A Bit of Illumination
by sensitive-lass33
Summary: AU version of movie Phantom of the Opera. Christine and Raoul have passed away and the Phantom/Erik becomes guardian to their daughter. Anna Richardson is an English governess and my character. Inspired by Jane Eyre and Gothic fiction as well as POTO
1. Chapter 1

**Overture**

**Where we love is home,**

**Home that our feet may leave,**

**But not our hearts.**

– **Oliver Wendell Holmes**

_**November, 1880**_

In the past, Anna only wrote letters when she so desired. It was a hobby she enjoyed, but she didn´t always find time to communicate the routines of her everyday life and the outstanding events that came along to others in this fashion.

This time was different. The pen compelled her to hold it. The blank piece of stationery paper seemed to scream for her to write on it. The expanse of beige desired to transmit communication, in Anna´s looping and small handwriting, across the Channel to her parents. She could not deny the poor, dead remnants of some majestic tree their last request, so she let the words flow from her heart onto the paper.

If she was going to write, she must choose her words wisely. In memory of the majestic tree that had sacrificed itself for her.

Her fancy was running away with her…what else was new?

Dearest Mother and Father,

I have been writing you ever since I went away, but it is only at present that I am truly sure of the reasoning behind your actions sending me away. You were helping me to find who I was. I might have been on this earth over twenty years when I took my position yet I had been living as does a child. I was completely oblivious to the intricate nature of the world, and to the complexity of my own soul. You wished for me to realize the good and bad of the world, and to confront problems with an idea of what I faced. For this, I thank you. I feel as though my whole life has changed as a result of your actions. I was angry at you for a while, but I now see what good can come of times of mental anguish and of new experiences. Thank you for always being patient with me. I am truly blessed.

I have put to use the education you encouraged me to pursue, and I feel a sense of gratitude each day that I am able to teach mi petit Marie de Chagny. She has become one of my most trusted companions. I see in her the kindness and beauty I'm told her mother possessed. Though I have sent you a portrait of her, it hardly does her justice. She is the most beautiful child, inside and out, that I have ever met. She makes me smile even when I'm in one of my stormy moods. Such a child seems an angel. When you meet her, you will surely adore her as do I.

I am so glad you are coming to visit; it is something I have anticipated for some time. You will find me changed from the way I was, but please do not be alarmed. The change is for the better. I seem to have matured more in my time here than in all my life before. Erik is anxious to meet you. I implore you to try to put aside the judgments and assumptions you have already made. He has not had a very happy life, and dealing with the dark memories is yet a challenge for him. But he has so much to offer the world. It has taken some time, but I think I am beginning to understand him. In the first letters I wrote you from Paris, I told you of the fear and suspicion I felt of him. I now see the reasons behind his actions. He has taught me so much about human nature…the good and the bad in us all. I hope you can appreciate him as much as I do.

As I close this letter and await your arrival, I hope to express the happiness. I feel… it's as if I have finally started living…not just standing off to the side, watching the action. Dearest parents, I love you so dearly, and I hope we are able to spend some time together and discuss what direction my life may take now.

Your loving daughter,

Anna Richardson¨

With a sigh, Anna set her pen down next to the ink well. As the swirls on the two sheets finished drying, she thought to herself, ¨I wonder whether Mother and Father would ever believe that it took falling in love with a Phantom to make me a woman.¨


	2. Chapter 2

**Act I**

**Man consists of body, mind, and imagination.**

**His body is faulty,**

**his mind untrustworthy,**

**but his imagination has made him remarkable.**

– **John Masefield**

**Two years earlier **

**July, 1879**

_Anna_

"It's always darkest before the dawn." Anna Richardson had heard this saying before, and relished thinking of such metaphors; however, she had never experienced its meaning firsthand. Up to this point in her life, she had been happy and carefree. The things that saddened her most were usually the work of others, a sonnet or a nocturne. Such things were easily escaped, and she could find distractions quickly. However, after twenty-five years, her established way of life had changed drastically. She was leaving all she held dear, and was unnaturally frightened at the unknown that lie ahead of her. She prayed that the saying would prove true in her case, and that this was simply the dark night before the first rays of the sun would bring happiness into her life again.

It wasn´t as if she had never left London before, but in her travels on those occasions, the extent of her travel had been limited, never leaving the island of Great Britain. In addition, she had always been accompanied by her parents. This time, as she traveled to France, she was alone. She felt like she was being sent to the opposite side of the world, exiled from all she loved. Had anyone who saw her known this fact, they might have understood why she looked so nervous. She clutched her belongings as a child might clutch her favorite doll when frightened by a thunderstorm.

Had anyone seen her in another setting, they may have found her quite charming. She was relatively well-dressed, in a slightly bustled dress of a medium rust color. She continuously fiddled with her tight sleeves as she sat on a bench on the steamer taking her to her new place of residence. Her dark blonde hair was pulled back in a knot and she wore a bonnet of a complimentary blue color to her dress. Her agitation was palpable, and she seemed jumpy and distracted. She did not talk to her fellow passengers or even make eye contact, and they had taken to avoiding the nervous-looking young woman for fear she had some disease of the nerves they might catch.

Her appearance aside, she was agitated, nervous, frightened...she felt as if her emotions were running the gamut of negative emotions in a very short time. Her mind sped from question to question, none of which there was an answer. Why should she have to leave the comfort of her life in London? She felt alternating waves of anger and annoyance. Her parents had advertised her services as a governess in another country without her consent, and she had obtained a position. Tears came to her blue eyes as she thought of them. Didn't they know how important they were to her? Of course, she was quickly approaching thirty, but she had not seen an end to her life of comfort for many years to come. Why? Couldn't such a thing have been done earlier? Would she have felt so frightened if they had done so? She felt like an abandoned child whose searches for her parents had come up unsuccessful.

Age definitely had something to do with it. By the standards of polite society, she was approaching old age. But she was not like other girls, a fact of which she was constantly reminded. Her parents understood her manner – she was quiet and far from outgoing. She had far more books than friends. Sending her to Paris would be a new experience, for sure. Perhaps they hoped she would be courted by a young man once she arrived. But however could that happen now? She had not had any suitor recently, and once in Paris, she did not foresee much free time in which to be courted. Who would ever take an interest in her, anyway? She was basically going to be an employee in a rich household, and there was not much of a chance of having a social life as a governess.

She tried to think of what her life had been like before this had happened. She was well-educated for her standing, trained at a private school in English and French, among other subjects. Her family had been relatively well off, thanks to her father's career as an architect, and they thought it important for her to get a fine education. Lately, Anna had sometimes helped out the children in her neighborhood with their schoolwork, putting her education to use. But more often than not she was to herself. She would play the piano, read a book, or accompany her mother when the errands needed to be done. It had been comfortable, no demands made of her. Now…how was the world to change? Would she be able to adapt? Could she handle the homesickness?

Maybe it was best that she go away. She did not fit in with those of her social circle. While intelligent in academic subjects, she knew very little of the things that were important to most of her acquaintances. She had little interest in fashion and had absolutely no talent at flirting. While Anna did not consider herself a particularly attractive individual, her parents saw the inner beauty and that outer beauty she could show with only a little effort. Her hair was a beautiful shade of the dark blonde, but she did very little with it; she had a nice figure but wore clothing not suited to her age and always in muted colors. Her mother had mentioned it before, but chose not to push the subject. Those who mattered would see her true beauty.

Anna thought of her parents' last words to her before she had boarded the ship. Her mother, Emily, had hugged and kissed her, saying, "You're going to see a lot. There is good and bad, just like London. I hope you can see the art and beauty there and learn from it. We love you, darling. Please try to remember that. And you can always write us."

Michael, her father, was unusually quiet. This usually happened before he was to say something immense to his daughter. "This is a great opportunity for you, Anna. You can put all that you've learned to use. Share your knowledge…don't store it away. You have so much to offer…this young girl will have the best English governess there has ever been. Don't you ever forget how important you are to us, love." Her father's kiss fresh on her forehead, she had shed a few tears and boarded the steamer that was to take her to France.

It was with thoughts of her parents' last kindnesses that Anna abandoned her anger towards them. It was a waste of energy to be upset. It wouldn't change any of the present circumstances. She turned her thoughts to Paris. For all her apprehension, this was an exciting trip, wasn't it? France, though wounded by the Franco-Prussian war, was still a place with a history. It had been the center of culture and fashion for the rest of the world for many years. She was lucky to have such an opportunity as this. She was very fortunate. Maybe she could convince herself it would be a good opportunity.

To distract her from her scattered thoughts, Anna took out of her handbag and opened the latest letter she had received from a Madame Giry regarding her employment. The girl she was to educate was named Marie de Chagny, the daughter of nobility, a Vicomte. In Giry's letters of the preceding months, Anna had learned much about the girl, and about Paris. It excited her even more as she re-read the words silently.

Dear Miss Richardson, it had begun,  
Your arrival is expected shortly, and we are prepared for your coming. Marie is excited to meet her new teacher and to begin her education. She has interests in many things, and especially those that are exotic or different. England, to her, is exotic, as she has never left France.

Madame Giry went on to speak about the things she would see in Paris and the surrounding countryside. Excitement, a new and welcome feeling, swelled in Anna's chest until she reached the last paragraph. Something about the mysterious tone Madame Giry used made her suspect that there was much she did not know, especially of Marie's guardian. He was not given a name, so he couldn't be the girl's father. Who was this man, and why had he given this woman the responsibility of contacting her when he could have done it himself?

He who has employed me will speak personally with you when you arrive at the

Chagny estate. In return for your services, you will be provided room and board, and a monthly allowance. I can clarify any details which are unclear upon your arrival.

Respectfully,

Madame Giry

The voyage across the Channel was over in less time than Anna had expected.

This comforted her enough to compose herself for the arrival. In the port town of Calais, she ate a bit of lunch before finding the carriage that was to take her to Paris.

Whereas her trip across the Channel began with feelings of self-pity, Anna started to pay attention to her surroundings on her carriage ride. At first it was a distracted glance, given as a last attempt to calm herself, but once she reached Paris, the scenery had her complete attention. Her negative thoughts floated away on the light breeze of the early afternoon. This was the start of something new in a truly beautiful place. Perhaps this experience would open up doors of opportunity she never knew existed. She was to live in a place she had never known, with people she had not met before. As she entered the carriage sent for her, she had no idea what her life was going to become, but she was eager for this new part of her life to begin.

Having left from England that morning on a rather cloudy and dismal day, Anna was delighted to see how the weather had turned out. The afternoon was a perfect one, the sky cloudless and blue. The darkness she had anticipated in her mind slowly faded, and she grew more and more optimistic as she traveled. As she traveled from the city to the home of her employer, out in the country, she relished every sight and sound. Paris was busy, with carriages whizzing about and customers haggling with merchants in the streets. Once the carriage entered the country, no such noise fell upon Anna's ears. The country was still and calm. There were fields of wheat that waved in a light breeze, and poppies and other wildflowers dotting the scenery. Small cottages dotted the landscape as well. Only nature broke the silence with the sound of a bird's song every now and then. She was used to the hustle and bustle of the city from living in London her whole life. Now, as she observed the fields of wheat, flowers and scattered trees, she knew she would enjoy the difference.

In contrast to the small cottages she had seen, as they approached the Chagny estate, it looked even more majestic than its name would imply. The mansion itself towered beyond Anna's view from the carriage. The surrounding grounds were elaborately landscaped, with carefully trimmed topiaries and gently blooming flowers and plants. She felt as if she was on the way to one of Queen Victoria's summer homes or a smaller version of Versailles. She did not feel worthy of the pleasure living in such a palace but was enamored with it already.

As she approached, what had once been nervousness quickly turned to excitement. It seemed to take forever to come down the path, and Anna grew impatient. Finally, the carriage came to a stop. The driver opened the door for her and offered his hand as she exited the carriage. He assured her that her belongings would be taken to her room, and bid her good day. At this point, she was busy observing everything around her. As she approached the house she noticed an older woman standing on the front steps with a young girl. She knew immediately who they must be.

The two walked to meet her, and as they approached, Anna smiled. Unlike so many smiles before, it did not feel forced or nervous. Madame Giry introduced herself, afterwards introducing young Marie de Chagny. Madame Giry looked as her name suggested. She was a courteous and elegant middle-aged woman, with a poised manner and a taste for attire which best reflected her grace. And in their conversation, though she said very little, what she did say was eloquent and to the point. Marie was a prettier child than Anna could have imagined. The six-year-old's eyes were deep and brown, framed with thick lashes. Her hair was the same dark color as her eyes. She looked more a doll than a girl; her fine dress of lace added to the effect. She did not speak but to say, "Hello, Miss Richardson."

Anna could see in those sparkling brown eyes that the girl was excited to have someone new in her life, especially a playmate. Anna felt it a pity that the child did not seem to have any playmates her own age, and decided that she would attempt to find girls of Marie's age, through the connections she would make in town or with the servants.

Things were going well, and Miss Richardson hoped to be making a positive first impression. But all of a sudden, as they went towards the house, Anna was distracted. A particular window caught the glance of both Madame Giry and Marie in the same amount of time. The two of them gave the window a long look, as if to acknowledge something or someone behind it. Anna felt the peculiar feeling of being watched while they were outside, but the strange feeling was gone once they entered the house.

Politely, Anna asked for a tour of the house. Madame Giry obliged, but asked if she wouldn't like a cup of tea first. It felt strangely familiar to have tea…maybe Giry thought it would make her feel more at home here. Once she had the cup and saucer in front of her, Anna felt better immediately. Tea always helped her unwind; today, it chased away the stress that had preceded the meeting. She was given a brief history of the house, with passing comments on a piece of art or a decoration on the wall.

When the girl went up to her toy room to get a toy, some of the mystery surrounding Marie's family was eliminated. Madame Giry seemed to read Anna like a book – the curiosity had been eating away from her since she first arrived. "I am sure you have wondered why I contacted you, and not Monsieur de Chagny. Well, Marie's parents passed away several years ago, when Marie was very young. This is Marie's parents' estate. Her father's name was Raoul, the Vicomte de Chagny." Anna nodded. There was a look Giry's eyes that told Anna the next sentence she would say would give her pain. Madame had seemed so far to be a resolute, confident person, but this look convinced Anna she was also a very caring person. "Her mother's was Christine. Christine was like a daughter to me…a ballet dancer and a singer. They were in a horrible accident when Marie was very young…I took Marie to live with me and my daughter until she was older. Then she came to live here, and Monsieur Erik offered to be her guardian."

Sadness at the fate of the girl's parents soon faded as Madame Giry spoke of Marie's guardian. Erik…so that was the name of her employer! The mysterious way Madame Giry was speaking of him spooked Anna. What was his surname? Where was he now? Why hadn't she heard of him before? She knew she shouldn't ask, but the curiosity was beginning to gnaw at her. "I'm sorry, but who is he?"

Giry looked a bit upset. She made her response a quick one. "When the time is right, my child, you will know. Right now, all you need to know is that he is your employer. As we go on our tour, I will show you the stairwell to the third floor but nothing more. The third floor is his domain…you are not to go there unless given permission. Erik is Marie's guardian…he will want to check up on Marie's progress at times, so either I will relay the message to you or he will send you a note. He will not meet you tonight. He is not feeling well. Have patience."

Again, curiosity overtook her. Anna knew she shouldn't ask any more questions, but she could not help herself. "I don't understand…does he leave the house? He just lives up there?"

She could tell by Giry's facial expression that her questions were upsetting her even further, but the woman nodded, seeming to understand the girl's need to question. If she were a governess, she would want to know these details herself. "No, he does not leave the house. Please, do not worry yourself about Monsieur Erik. Marie is your concern, you mustn´t forget that. He will tell you what you need to know when you meet. And I will let you know now that *he* does not tolerate questions on 'sensitive' matters, so it is better not to ask at all. You may ask me, but do not expect an answer. Perhaps he will become comfortable with you in time, but you must not offend him by asking too much at first. You do not want to know his anger, and I am certain that he does not want to feel it." Madame Giry finished her warnings just as the sound of Marie's footsteps became audible, and the girl came down the stairs clutching her favorite doll.

Done with her tea, Anna thanked Madame Giry, who seemed relieved that their talk of Erik had finished. "Might we take our tour now?"

Marie smiled as she approached the two. "May I show her my room?"

Anna tried to push her ever-growing curiosity about Erik to the back of her mind to concentrate on the house. It seemed to go on forever. The home was even more marvelous on the inside than on the outside. Anna had made this presumption from the first step inside, but the tour made it no longer a supposition but an established truth.

The first floor consisted of a large kitchen, a marvelous formal dining room, a spacious parlor, and a library filled with books, Anna's favorite. The rooms were large, well-decorated, and full of light. The servants, nearly undetectable but to the trained eye, kept the place sparkling clean.

Moving on to the second floor, Anna found the room in which she was to stay, explored Marie's bedroom and playroom, and examined the study in which she was to teach. She was very impressed with the decorations, some antique, all lovely and well-placed. Had the house not seemed so well-decorated, the amount of valuable art and antiques could have given Anna the impression she was living in a museum. Her own room was much larger than the one she had at home, and beyond that it was colorful. Marie was suited to her rooms, as they were slightly mature in decoration but still enjoyable and fun. And the study where she was to teach? Anna was pleased with its large windows, bright colors, and supplies enough to last until Marie was twenty, at least. After seeing the first two floors, Anna felt that this was a place in which she could live, if not feel at home just yet.

But then Madame Giry led her to the stairwell to the third floor, located near the study room. Looking up the staircase, Anna noticed how the light and life of the first two floors were not present on the third floor. It was darker, with no sign that anyone lived there. The walls were bare, and no color welcomed her eye. "Remember," Giry said, "you aren't to go up there unless he tells you to do so. Above his floor is an attic for storage, and only the servants go up there on occasion, by another way."

As if to reiterate Giry's words, Anna noticed that a large door of dark wood stood in the way of observing anything else. The lock on the door was intimidating; seeing it as it loomed there in the darkness, she felt no desire to ever go past that door. She would have to, soon enough. It frightened her to think of what laid behind an entrance so imposing and cold. How could he live like that? What type of person could be so secretive? However, she turned from her fear when Marie came to her side and asked her if she would like to play.

The idea of leaving home had seemed so horrible at first, but now that she was here, Anna changed her mind. Yes, as she dressed for bed, she felt the unfamiliar sting of homesickness in her heart, but the day had gone surprisingly well. She was optimistic for the future of her employment. Madame Giry was a kind, honest woman on whom Anna could rely until she felt at home. And Marie…oh, already the girl was making her way into Anna's heart. She was sweet, if somewhat spoiled. That was something they would have to work on.

The girl had gone to bed an hour or so before, exhausted from the excitement the day had brought. Giry and Anna had put the girl in her bed, read her a story, and listened to her say her nightly prayers, which now included her new governess. When she was in her bed, Giry bid Anna goodbye, patting her reassuringly on the shoulder before returning to her home in the city.

Now, as Anna lay in her new bed in her nightgown, she thought of all that had gone on that day. She would meet with her employer at some time in the future, but until then she would begin her lessons and help Marie to become acquainted with letters and numbers… She looked towards the next day with excitement for it brought her a step closer to teaching Marie. She whispered a prayer of thanksgiving for a safe journey, and also prayed she would become comfortable here, finding her purpose in life.

Just as her prayers had ended and sleep was overtaking her, an odd sound met her ear. Piano music, quiet and haunting; a melody she had never heard before. It seemed like a piece by Chopin in difficulty, but was distinctly darker in mood than any nocturne or etude; being an accomplished pianist herself, she found the performer to be quite talented. Too sleepy to find the source of the sound, she leaned back against her pillow and let the song follow her into her dreams. It seemed to come from the room directly above her bedroom. That next week, as she became acquainted with the house schedule, and with the abilities of her young student, the song returned in daydreams. Her mind ran wild with curiosity. Who played that melody? Why was it so sad?

She persevered through the daytime hours well enough, teaching and playing with Marie, who with encouragement from Anna began to call her "Miss Anna" rather than "Miss Richardson." The night, however, was not so easily faced. The optimism of the daytime seemed to slip from her, and all her worries gathered together to plague her. The music made her feel alone and homesick. And yes, she was alone. She only spoke to the other servants, Marie, and occasionally Madame Giry, who visited less often now that Anna was there. And she was of a different background than most she knew at the Chagny estate. The music brought out the sadness in her, the darkness she thought had passed. The few friends she did have in London returned to her mind when she tried to get to sleep each night. She imagined them enjoying themselves with other friends. Had they really been her friends, or had they only pitied her? She had never before appreciated the presence of someone with whom she could talk openly. Her concerns were but her own now.

Especially disheartening was the idea that she would never find someone to love, an idea that had not often come to her before she'd left home. There was always a hope, a chance for her to meet some young man when she was in London. Here, she associated only with women, with the exception of male servants. And though they treated her kindly, they were not what she was looking for in a potential mate. Each night, as these doubts and fears came to her, the piano would play its haunting tune, and her pillow was soon stained with silent tears. The combination of her thoughts and that music was enough to make her tears run dry. She was distraught, wondering why she should feel such feelings, but try as she may, she could not comfort herself. She felt as if she were trapped within the pages of a Gothic novel in which nothing was ever discovered, in limbo, stuck at a standstill, unable to move forward.

It was two weeks after she had arrived that something happened to break the routine Anna had made for herself. Having attended a church service that morning in the city with some of the servants, the maids, her mood had been lifted. Younger than herself, they nonetheless could understand the fears she was feeling at leaving home, as most of them had done a few years before. She felt less lonely when she talked to them.

She had returned to her room that afternoon to change and to the study to straighten up things for the next day's lesson. Things went normally until she went to the study. From the moment she entered, she knew something was different. It took her no more than a few seconds to notice that on the desk she used lay something new. She went over to the desk and saw a note with unfamiliar handwriting on the front lying on top of a book. Anna picked it up, glancing at the book first. Malory's _Le Morte D'Artur_, an old favorite. This made her curious to the contents of the note, so she opened it, finding an invitation to that mysterious third floor by her equally mysterious employer. She had not seen or heard of him at all since her arrival.

Miss Richardson,

I apologize for the lateness of this communication. You have worked in this house for two weeks, and we have not yet had a formal meeting. It is with that in mind that I write you. If you are not busy tonight, after the evening meal, I would like you to come to my library. This is the first room to the right on the third floor, behind the large door. I am eager to discuss Marie's education with you. You are well on your way to help her achieve great things, and I thank you for your services in advance.

I offer you this work from my private collection as a gift to help you feel more at home. I am sure you have already read it, but I know how the English feel for their beloved Arthur. If Madame Giry hasn't already given you permission, I give you the freedom to read any work from the library downstairs that you fancy. If no one enjoys them, of what use are they?

Most sincerely,

Erik

In the two weeks she had taught Marie, mention of Erik had come every once in a while from the young girl. Anna herself had never asked the girl questions, keeping in mind Madame Giry's cautionary words. In their lessons, Marie would mention how her "Uncle" had once read her such a story, or had attempted to teach her to write her name. While such efforts impressed Anna, she wondered why Erik never dined with them or showed his face to the light of day. Such isolation from the child he had offered to raise hardly seemed the behavior of a caring man. Anna knew it was better to wait for the answer than to ask, as every thing a person does has a reason behind it.

It was with a nervous step that the girl climbed the stairs to the third floor at the appointed time. She had just eaten a fine meal, but her stomach was upset. The strange sensation of being watched when outside with Marie might have had something to do with it. In the time she had been in the house, she often found herself looking at the window the girl had glanced at that first day. At first, she had not seen anything, but now and then she saw a glimpse of a gloved hand or an arm. So it was he that caused Giry and Marie to look at the window. She was going to meet this man. Erik.

She reached the third floor and that large wooden door she had seen when she first came to the Chagny estate. She knocked, not knowing what else to do, and the door creaked open, seemingly without any human hand. "Come in," a deep voice called. Up to this point, Anna was prepared to run downstairs, but the voice intrigued her. Yes, she was afraid, but her curiosity drew her closer to the voice. What did he look like? Who was he? Giry had spoken of his anger, but she would try her best to avoid saying too much.

As she entered, the expectations she had held of the third floor study were exceeded; it was darker and more dramatic than she had imagined. As she walked in, the room's dark colors pulled her eyes from one corner to another. Black, scarlet, a hint of gold on a candlestick, they all contrasted with the lighter colors of the rest of the house. She was drawn to sit in a pool of light made by the candles, in front of a large, ornate desk of a dark, fine wood. "Welcome," the same voice that had told her to enter was speaking to her now.

As she sat, she noticed as a tall, shadowy figure near the piano approaching the desk. He had blended in so well in the room that she had taken no notice of him. Her employer was a slender man, dressed in black trousers and a collared white shirt. His hair was black, too, helping him blend into the dim light. As he sat in a chair quite far from her, he showed only the right side of his face, sitting almost facing away from her as he spoke to her. Beams of candlelight illuminated the side of his body facing her, while the other was in shadow. He did, however, glance at her now and again. She was struck by the paleness of his skin and how it contrasted to the darkness of the room, his hair, and the surroundings. However, at her first glance of him she squeaked out a quiet, "Thank you," unable to make any other sound. Her fear had eased, replaced by shock that this floor could so differ from the others…and this man, with a voice was so deep and quiet. She was usually nervous when she met new people; with Erik it was worse than usual, since he was so important to her position here yet so mysterious. It was possible for them to converse in French, but they spoke in English. Anna guessed it was another attempt to put her at ease. Whether the attempt would work, she was not so sure. She tried to disguise her nervousness.

"I take it your accommodations are comfortable?" he asked, glancing at her.

"Yes, they are, thank you for asking," she replied, noticing how pensive he seemed. He was not thinking about what he was talking to her, but something else. However, he focused after he looked away from her.

"Oh no, the thanks are mine, Miss Richardson. I am glad you came tonight, I apologize that I have not contacted you before this." She made no verbal reply, but nodded. She wished he would look at he, but could endure conversation exchanged in this way, as she had no choice. He continued, "Now, then, I'm sure I can speak simply about what I expect from you in regard to Marie. You are to educate her as one who will become a lady. That is my intention…she is to be a gentlewoman, as her parents would have wanted. Madame Giry gave me the qualifications she was sent. You're trained in English and French?"

"Yes, sir, those are my strong points. I am also prepared to teach Marie history, art, and mathematics, when she is ready. Literature, also, is one of my favorite subjects."

"Very good." She knew by the way he said these words that such a compliment wasnot an everyday occurrence. "You are to start out with the basics, of course.

Marie is already quite a reader, but knows only the French which Madame Giry has spoken to her, and some that is necessary for ballet. Also, Marie has not had much training in the way of arithmetic. She is a bright girl, I am sure you will have no trouble with her."

"Ah…" Something he had just said interested her…the ballet. Anna thought the little girl looked like such a dancer. "Madame Giry teaches her ballet?"

He looked at her with interest, surprised to hear her speak to him. "Yes, she does. She will not make a career of it, but it is important she know a bit of it. It's in her blood." He seemed pleased that she had overcome the fear of the room, and of him, to be able to ask such a question, but it was very hard to detect whether it was pleasure or sarcasm that was on his face. Given only half a face and one blue eye, Anna was not sure. She hoped he was not mocking her.

"I will be checking in on her progress every two weeks, so you shall be prepared to tell me how far she is in her subjects and with what she is struggling." By now, Anna had perfected the art of nodding quietly, demonstrating her understanding. He went on to ask her where they had begun in the past two weeks, and he seemed pleased. "Oh, yes…before you go. I need you to know…when summer is over, Marie will start music lessons with me. Two to three times a week, at a time to which I will alert you. I think

she is ready to learn...she has always enjoyed it before when I have played for her."

Anna thought of the piano music she heard at night. "You play the piano?" She thought she almost saw a smile on his face as he nodded.

"And compose…though not much anymore. I'm much better on the organ, but to bring such an instrument into this house is out of the question." He gave her a fleeting look and Anna could see he was intrigued by her question. "And you? Do you have any musical experience?"

She felt a bit ashamed for having asked him if he played…of course he did, he had a piano…it wasn't simply for looks. "Yes…a little." He seemed to want more information, so she went on. "My mother taught me the piano, and I used to sing in the church choir."

"Well, that is something. Are you a soprano?"

There was a hesitation in her voice. "…I'm more of a mezzo-soprano." She thought of the sopranos she had known. Some believed their excellent vocal range demanded the treatment of a queen…

"I consider that much of musical talent is a matter of training. It is my personal opinion that with the right teacher, most voices can be trained to do extraordinary things." Though Anna sensed he could have continued talking about music, he seemed to refocus on the matter at hand – this young woman's employment. She didn't come here to hear him talk about music. "Now then. Madame Giry has, I'm sure, prepared you for your position as best as she could…she has put you in contact with those persons whom you may use as resources. I hope, if you have a question which none of these can answer, you feel that you can come to me."

Anna, as she listened, felt a strange feeling of déjà vu from when she spoke with Madame Giry at Erik's exact wording of his next statement, said in a tone not as kind as before. "However, I do not approve of being asked questions about sensitive matters. You will know all that is necessary for your position, be sure of that."

In looking away from her, he glanced at the clock on the wall. "I'm keeping you…my apologies. You can go."

"Good night, sir." She stood, and slowly made her way to the door. She thought of the note and the book he had sent and, right as she approached the door to leave, spoke. "Sir?" She turned, noticing he had turned toward the sound of her voice. His left side, of course. She would have to adapt to that aspect of her employment.

"Yes, Miss Richardson?"

"Thank you for the book. I am enjoying Malory very much."

"I thought you would." His voice seemed more relaxed all of a sudden. "Marie's parents…the library downstairs…there is much I had never read before I arrived here. I hope you are able to enjoy it as much as I do."

"I will try. Good night, then, sir."

"To you as well."

As she returned to the safety of the second floor, Anna felt relieved. The meeting hadn't been that bad, really. Other than the fact that he had hardly glanced at her, he did not seem like a totally terrible employer. She was sure now that he was the source of the haunting piano music at night. When music was mentioned, he spoke with more vigor and excitement. It was as if music were a renewing force for him, something as important as the blood flowing through his veins.

Other than the talk of music, she knew no more of him than she had before. How old was he? He seemed like he was in his late thirties or early forties…she was a good judge of age, a skill developed by being part of a social circle in which a person's age seemed to be an important detail to know. He dressed more formally than those she knew…maybe that came with living near Paris? But he never went out. It was now that fact that troubled her and drove her crazy with curiosity rather than Erik himself.


	3. Chapter 3

**Act II**

**It sometimes seems to me**

**as if I did not belong to this world at all.**

– **Franz Schubert**

**Four months later**

**November 1879**

_Anna_

The summer was over far too quickly. Anna enjoyed the colors of autumn, of course, but she was sad to see the lovely weather pass. It grew colder, so more time was spent inside. Anna had been an indoor creature for most of her life, since London was cold and rainy most of the time, but since arriving in Paris, she had become more a lover of the outdoors, especially on such a spacious estate. Maybe playing with Marie had changed her. It was almost like having a second childhood. She would play games with Marie, things she remembered from her own childhood, they would read together, and occasionally they would go horseback-riding on the grounds. Sidesaddle, of course. She was to be a lady, after all, and lady-like traditions were also a part of Marie's education. Anna´s background came in handy for situations such as those.

Anna wondered most about the aspects of Marie's education over which she held no control. It struck her at night, especially when Marie had a music lesson. She needed to take a walk around the grounds, away from that voice, which she could hear the in the stillness of the night. Who was this man, anyway? Was he a different man when he was around Marie? She could not force herself to go outside, so she sat in her room or the study, transfixed by the rhythmic sound of his voice as he spoke to Marie, and the pleasant replies from the girl. Was this just a natural quality of his voice, or one he had practiced? She could neither read nor do anything while she listened. His voice was too distracting. She couldn´t make out what he was saying but it distracted her noentheless.

With the exception of Erik, she learned more and more of the other servants and of her young charge. For such a large house, there were only two maids, Charlotte and Nicole. There wasn't the need for more of a staff than these two, the housekeeper, and the coachman. Anna encountered Charlotte and Nicole much more than anyone else, since they were always scurrying about the house, cleaning. It was an endless task, but they seemed to find joy in it.

In their upper teens, the girls were experts while at work, but retained their youth and recklessness once the work day was over. Charlotte was the better-looking of the two, a voluptuous blonde, and could often be very vain, but she was generally quite kind. Nicole, on the other hand, was a quiet, brown-haired girl who seemed always uneasy. In time, Anna discovered the girl's nervousness stemmed from her home life – her father was a drinker who liked to break things while in a stupor. She had grown up accustomed to straightening things and fixing things after her father had passed out so often needed to be encouraged to contribute even the smallest comment in a conversation.

Occasionally, when Anna would take Marie to the stable, they would encounter the coachman, an older man named Marius. He had kind green eyes and a quiet way about him that calmed a jittery horse just as well as a governess. He didn´t say much, but offered little tidbits of wisdom on occasion that Anna treasured.

Out of all the individuals she encountered, Anna had not taken a liking to one person in particular, Madame Demme. As the housekeeper, she was perhaps the most powerful individual in the house, but wielded her power like a dictator of a small country.

A harsh-looking person, Madame Demme seldom had a smile on her face and was constantly on the lookout for someone not doing her job. As the governess, Anna did not have to answer to her, but encountered her often to be alerted of meal times and the like. Anna treated her politely, but always felt as if Madame Demme held some suspicion of her or wished to be in charge of her as well as the other servants.

At meal times and times when she was not teaching Marie, it pleased her to know more of the other servants. However, Anna found what she discovered of Marie to be most helpful in understanding the girl´s quiet manner. The girl would speak of her past…of living with Giry in a small flat in the city. Marie did not speak of her parents very much, but when she did, it was in a quiet voice, the same reverent tone used for her nightly prayers. "Uncle Erik tells me Mamma and Papa…" she would begin, and would regale Anna with a tidbit about her late parents. So much of what Anna learned about Marie did not come from the girl herself, but from Marius, who reflected upon his former master and mistress nostalgically, calling them, ¨Dear Vicomte and Christine....¨ Once, after putting a sleepy Marie to bed, she saw a picture of her parents she hadn't noticed before. It was of the Chagny family, Christine and the Vicomte Raoul with the baby girl Marie in Christine's arms.

Since the girl was nearly asleep, Anna walked over and picked up the miniature portrait. Marie had the same hair and eyes of her mother, but her father´s smile. Her father, the Vicomte, looked very happy. They both did. They looked very young, very happy, as if they expected to live long, full lives and see their daughter grow up into a woman.

After this moment, Anna looked at Marie differently. She had a past…parents who had loved her. How hard would that be? She could not imagine her life without her parents. She had been around her own parents for twenty-five lovely years. Marie hadn´t had her parents long enough to know them. Marie had experienced so much, but remained a normal little girl. How strong was the soul of this little girl, to have endured something like that?

Anna had settled into the routine of caring for the young Marie, and felt comfortable with the way her days had gone. The girl was terribly sweet, and always made her smile. Anna found herself forgetting about her worries, and the music at night became less frequent. When she did hear Erik playing (for she knew it was him), it was not as intense and heartrending as it had been when she arrived. Now she could bear going to sleep at night, since it no longer meant crying for all her worries…

The household had settled into a routine, but it was soon broken. Anna recieved a communication from Madame Giry that let the young lady know about an excursion on which she was going to take Marie for the girl's seventh birthday. To the opera, then to Madame Giry´s home to spend the night, where Madame Giry´s daughter Meg, her son-in-law, and granddaughter also lived. Though given weeks of advance notice, when the night finally came Anna was not prepared. She had grown accustomed to putting Marie in bed, and to have the girl away for even a night seemed unbearable. They had become quite good friends, and had always exchanged good conversation. What was she to do with herself? She read on occasion, but she would much rather spend time with another human being, having changed in that sense since her arrival. Besides, the house was too large to be alone in, and she would be too distracted to read by thoughts of Marie and concerns for the girl.

The day came, and Anna felt consoled by the fact that they would dine together before Madame Giry took Marie away. It was in the afternoon that she remembered Meg, Giry's daughter, and Monsieur Erik (so called by Madame Giry) would be coming to dine with them also. She hadn't thought of what she would wear. Her normal attire would simply not do, she must dress up. They were to dine with a visitor, and Erik. Something special was appropriate. This would be the second time since she had been hired that she would see him directly, as mostly he communicated through finely-written notes.

The result of her scavenging through a limited wardrobe was a dark blue gown, not so formal as to make her feel out of place, but not entirely plain and casual either. It seemed a style more suited for an older woman, with long sleeves and a very high neckline, but Anna knew governesses were not supposed to be fashionable. She liked the color, at least, so it was better than nothing. She put her hair up in a comb and was ready at least in relation to her dress.

The servants were still preparing the meal when Meg and her mother arrived, so they took Meg into the parlor to chat for a while until it was ready. Anna tried her best to play the role of gracious hostess. Marie, however, did a much better job than her governess. She chatted excitedly with Meg about the things she'd learned from Anna while the girl herself could not think of anything as interesting to say as the things that Meg and Marie discussed. Their relaxed manner with one another was something which had come with time together…it could not be forced.

Meg looked every bit the ballet dancer her mother told her to be. She was petite and graceful, and spoke in peaceful tones reminiscent of those her mother used. Her manner around Marie was simliar to that of her mother as well, protective, as if the little girl were a tiny treasure. She rubbed the girl´s dark curls affectionately as they spoke, like an older sister or kindly aunt rather than a non-relative. Meg looked at Anna kindly when a pause occurred in her conversation with Marie, and the governess took this as her chance. First words…first impressions…how important they were. "So I hear you were a dancer, Meg." She hoped speaking of this topic would be a good choice.

The word 'dancer' made Meg smile. "Yes, I was. A part of me will love ballet until I die, but I stopped dancing in the opera once I married. But it was a wonderful experience…one I would not give up for anything.¨

Anna hoped to share with Meg the admiration she held for ballet. "I've always found the grace such persons possess to be otherworldly."

Marie and Meg giggled together. "Well, Mother always made sure the other dancers and I had practiced until we could dance in our sleep. So if you weren´t naturally graceful, just a few whacks of mother´s cane motivated you to learn how to be.¨

At this point Madame Giry offered her insight into the subject. "It is the least I could do, Meg. The managers, the audience…they all demanded perfection. We could not disappoint them. We all took pride in our success and were rewarded for the high quality of our work. The ballet mistress when I was young demanded the same."

They had been talking for some time when the housekeeper, Mrs. Demme, announced that dinner was nearly ready. The servants began to serve the food and just as quickly as they had appeared, disappeared into the regions of the kitchen. They seemed to have done this before.

Marie politely got Anna's attention and asked if she might bring "Uncle Erik" downstairs. "Yes you may, thank you for asking so politely." Anna was impressed that Marie saw her as the authority figure in the house after such a short time of being employed on her behalf.

Giry, Meg, and Anna chatted quietly as they waited, about petty things like the weather or events going on in the city. Then, silence overtook them. Footsteps, strong but controlled, began to sound on the staircase. As they approached, the ladies stood together. Anna felt as if she would hyperventilate, aware of how out of the ordinary this downstairs visit was.

Into the parlor came Marie, holding Erik's hand.

What had she expected to see when Marie entered with him, the same darkness as in the study? No, it was lighter in the dining room than up there. More candles… lamps…she would be able to see much more detail than in their previous meetings.

Oddly enough, it was the first time Anna had seen the two together, though he was the girl's legal guardian. He looked much less imposing than he had in his study with a little girl hanging onto his hand…she obviously had him wrapped around her finger.

As they moved to the dining room, Anna noticed something that had escaped her notice in their prior meetings. Half of his face was covered by a mask of some hard white material. So that was why he always looked away from her…his secret was revealed. It was childish, she knew, to be so curious, but she was fascinated by it. This was the first time in which she had really *seen* him, so why shouldn't she look? She wished she were able to do it without seeming so rude. The details which had not been so clear to her in his study were illuminated, though many questions remained unanswered.

As hard as she tried throughout the meal, she was unable to keep her eyes off his face, and she was ashamed that she could not unglue her gaze from her employer. She looked at him as he pulled out a chair for Madame Giry, and when they spoke of the opera later on, but he did not look at her.

"Thank you."

"My pleasure, Madame." This was the first time Anna had ever seen Erik interact with others…it was interesting to observe the interaction. He was very eloquent, and knew what he was speaking about, such as opera or current historical events.

Anna felt she was getting a glimpse into another world, that of opera, art, and dance, as the Girys and Erik conversed easily on the topic. They spoke as people who had experienced it firsthand, as they obviously were former professionals in the arena. Anna listened, entranced, unable to add a word. The conversations seemed so complete, unadorned, that anything she would say would be unnecessary.

After a good three course meal and the silence filled by others with very few comments from her seat, the time Anna dreaded finally arrived. Marie prepared to leave with Meg and her mother. Anna helped the girl to get her things for the overnight visit and they handed them to Marius. Hugging Marie tightly, she hoped the girl would have fun and not think of her as she was guaranteed to do every moment until she returned. "Enjoy your night, Marie."

"I will." The girl then looked past her governess to Erik. "Good evening,

Uncle Erik."

"Good evening." He motioned to the girl to come to him, and he picked her up to hug her, with the same careful but affectionate manner that Meg had displayed earlier. After a slight hesitation, as if she were questioning the appropriateness of kissing her guardian in the presence of others, Marie kissed him on his cheek. It was certain that the little girl caused his chilly demeanor to crack and an actual smile to show through. It was a little easier to see what he was feeling with a view of his whole face…or almost his whole face. He walked away quickly, to where Anna did not know.

Goodbyes said, Marie went with Madame Giry and Meg. Following them, Anna quietly asked Giry, "Am I to stay here alone…with Monsieur Erik?" Her voice trembled with a bit of fear.

Madame Giry´s reassuring motherly tone made Anna feel her fear was ridiculous. "You do it all the time but he remains on his floor. You have nothing to fear, Anna. Believe me. Speak with him, perhaps you will learn something you didn't know before. He's a solitary man; it will do him good to speak to you. He could use some companionship. He shall not hurt you." Madame Giry took her hand and patted it, and Anna trusted her words. The woman was so trustworthy, why should she be wrong this time?

As she watched the carriage take Marie from her, Anna had to wrap her arms around herself to guard against the chill. Why should it be so hard for her to see the girl go? Maybe it had something to do with the four months straight she had spent with the girl, getting to know her better every day. She knew she would have to get used to such occurrences. She could not keep the girl to herself forever.

Turning back for the house, she entered but did not find Erik where he had been.

She went searching for him, and after several empty rooms, found him in the library, engrossed in a book of Greek mythology. Hearing her enter, he looked up for a moment before continuing to read. Anna went to sit down on a chaise lounge she heard calling her name, pleased to rest for just a moment. She tried to breathe but found an obstacle. Her corset was too tight and she could not take a proper, deep breath. Why had she asked the maid to tighten it in the first place? Who was she trying to impress? Meg? Erik? She was sure that neither one would have noticed the difference. At that moment, she felt she would rather be useful than beautiful. Thus, she rose from her place. "I will return," she told Erik, and he nodded distractedly, obviously engrossed in the book.

Return she did another ten minutes later, feeling much more comfortable. She knew she'd have marks from the thing digging into her; she liked breathing, and it was better for everyone when she could do so. She thought of the way she had acted at dinner. She had been very quiet, adding just a comment here and there. For the most part she listened to Meg, her mother, Marie, and Erik. It was as if she was looking in at the performance of a play, their words were so well-said. She seemed an outsider and knew not how to enter the world of those to whom she listened. Would she grow more comfortable with them as time went on?

Returning to the chaise lounge, she was allowed to move her focus from her own problem to Erik, still reading the volume of mythology in an armchair by the window. He had left his hiding place upstairs…he was here….now what? Seeing Erik sitting at the desk, she thought of what topic was appropriate to discuss. She had never been the first to speak in their conversations, and then they spoke only about Marie or music. She had never been the one to start the conversation; it was always the other way around. She thought it best to use the material she had…she would speak about music in relation to the book he read. "You know," Anna said, sitting up from the leaning position she had been in, "it's interesting to me how those who write the librettos to operas often use classic mythology as a basis for their works. I was always fascinated by how well-read some composers were."

She wouldn't have thought he had been listening, but he replied, not looking up from the page. "Yes. It is. I'm particularly fond of _Orfeo_…they also rather enjoy ancient history, if you´ve heard of _Hannibal_." He chose to continue by saying, "I'm not much of a lover of comic opera, like those that have been so popular lately. It trivializes what is meant to be serious and deep. I find a sorrowful aria like 'Dido's Lament' much more intriguing than a happy one."

"I would have thought so." Almost instantly, she regretted her words. She had spoken without thinking. Surely he did not think it was an insult?

"Would you?" She had his attention now, but this was not the way in which she had wanted to get it. She had just broken one of the rules…she was to be silent and obedient, not bold and audacious. He seemed shocked that she would have made such an assumption, true as it may have been, but he did not seem angry. At least not yet. He closed the book and left it on the desk, looking up at her.

"I apologize," she murmured, "but you seem a serious person to me."

"I suppose I am. Who knows me better than myself? No one, I should say."

Anna felt it necessary to try to make up for her blurted statement, which she was not sure if Erik had taken as an insult. "Surely there is nothing wrong with enjoying things of a serious nature. I'm one of those people most of the time." Their first non-business conversation needed to improve soon. Anna took the responsibility upon herself to assure it would. What could she say? "Sir, I apologize. However....may I ask you something?" she said, quieter and more humbly, getting up from her resting place and moving closer to him, to a chair closer to his. Her hands were shaking, so she clasped them in her lap.

"Only if I may ask you something in return," he responded. It seemed a fair compromise.

"Agreed."

"Go ahead," he showed her he was giving his attention by standing, moving to a chair across from hers, and sitting in it. It was the closest he had been to her, as they had sat at opposite ends of the table at dinner. She was unable to read the expression on his face now that he was looking at her. It was rather hard when he wore a mask…half of his face was obscured to her, and only his eyes and his lips were fully visible.

"You have a piano in your study…and I sometimes hear music at night coming from other parts of the house. Were you the one who often played during the night when I first arrived?"

His words and actions revealed the truth to her. She could see that he was feeling a bit ashamed at being found out. "Yes, I am the culprit. I do not sleep much at night, so I play." He rubbed the unmasked side of his face, turning his face to avoid meeting her eyes with his own. "I apologize if I kept you up, it was surely not my intention to bother anyone." For the first time she seemed able to read his mood, he seemed suddenly pensive and mournful.

"Not at all." His actions troubled her, so she continued. Whether she´d regret these words or not, she knew not. But it must be said. "Am I correct in my assumption that you have sorrow?"

"Yes, you are." As if to express his shock that she would ask such a question, he looked up and met her eyes, and she saw that his words were true and that he was not angry at the inquiry. However, what she saw was something that proved to her that blue eyes can, at times, express things in their gleam that are harder to detect in green or brown. She saw the sorrow and felt sympathy almost immediately. It was the first time he had looked her in the eyes for more than a moment. Those eyes were different from her own, though they were the same color. She realized why he had not glimpsed at her during their meetings, or at dinner. In his eyes, Erik seemed to hold so much feeling that he was trying hard not to be overwhelmed.

Anna grew confused and had to avert her eyes. Why should this be? Maybe it was simply a matter of experience…he had lived more years than she had. Perhaps he had not been so sheltered in his life as she. Would she ever know?

"I am sorry, Sir…I should never have said anything about it." She could find nothing else to say. She felt she had caused him pain by asking such questions. That much was apparent. She suddenly wished she had never said a thing.

He seemed to have regained his composure. "No, it's quite all right. You are curious as are most…especially those of your sex. I cannot blame you for that which is in you by nature." He felt vulnerable at her question… "Might I ask my question?" She nodded, and he went on. "Now then, Miss Richardson. Are you quite all right talking to me like this?"

"Hmm?" At last, it occurred to her that she must look as troubled as he had – and all because of her choice of conversation.

"I take it Madame Giry did not speak of my mask to you."

"Oh." She felt ashamed for staring at his face the entire dinner. "No, she didn't. She told me not to ask questions of you, either."

He looked at her and nodded. "She's an intelligent woman, so you're right to listen to her. Her daughter, too. I quite enjoy their company."

Anna knew it was best to change the subject, so went along with this conversation. "Meg? Yes…I found her quite charming."

"Very. Like her mother, she was a ballerina. No longer, of course, but they go to the opera to relieve the memories. I know Marie enjoys playing with her daughter, Rose, when she comes to visit. They are around the same age."

In spite of feeling awkward at dinner, Anna hoped that Meg's visit that night would lead to many more. Perhaps she would bring Rose next time.

The conversation continued as the night approached, at a leisurely pace. Anna brought some tea for the both of them and drinking it gave them both a break from the intense conversation she had started. Thankfully, the awkward beginning to the conversation eased as they spent more time speaking. They spoke of Marie, Meg and her mother, and whether Anna enjoyed her profession. On this last topic, Erik was impressed with her honesty and said so after she had answered.

"Yes, I do enjoy being a governess. I wasn't sure at first, since I was quite comfortable in my life in London, without doing work of any type. It's surprised me what a sense of purpose I feel now…" "I couldn't have been blessed with anyone more willing to learn than is Marie…"

_Erik_

Darkness. No matter what he was doing, one event would distract him every time it happened – the day changing to night. During a lull in conversation, this transformation caught Erik's attention, and he moved to the window in a slow, long stride to study it more closely. There was no dramatic sunset, as it had been cloudy that day. Darkness was quite sneaky tonight. Slowly, ever so slowly, he crept across the sky until he had overpowered it and not a trace of daylight remained.

Erik´s eyes moved to survey the grounds. Though he had lived in the house for several years, he had not explored the other realms of the estate but with his eyes. He didn't want to risk being seen. All of a sudden he had a strange urge to see the moon, if it were out tonight, and to feel the night air on his face. Looking out at the shadows cast by the stables and trees, he remembered that he hadn't left the house since Marie arrived.

Anna, less uneasy now, stood from her seat a few feet away. "It's a lovely night."

"Yes." She stood and walked over to the window, glancing out. "Just the right weather. Not too warm but not too cold."

"Would you like to go out for a while, take a stroll? I am sure the night air will do me well," he said, almost in a whisper. He had done spontaneous things before, but this seemed the first action without a motive. She nodded, suddenly very quiet. So, they went outside into the darkness.

_Anna_

Before he had asked her if she might like to walk with him, she had turned to see him closer to her, since they were both looking outside. This closeness paired with the look they had shared earlier when speaking of sorrow, took her breath from her. It was closer than she had intended being, and gave her a shock. It was only for a split second before he stepped back, but she could almost feel his breath on her neck. She was never so close to anyone but Marie. Why had she said yes to his request? Her parents had instilled in her a general distrust of the opposite sex, and Erik especially startled her with his mysterious ways, yet something in the way he spoke told her that no harm would come to her.

_Erik_

Trying to act as any proper gentleman would, Erik opened the door for Anna and followed her outside. Perhaps displaying these qualities might calm her, keeping her from fearing him so much. At first, in the quiet autumn night, neither one of them said a thing. Anna was noticing how different everything looked in the dark, while Erik simply observed her. He had seen the night many times before, but this was something. He tried his best not to stare at her, as he had seen how much his intense look had disturbed her, but chose instead to subtly glance her way every now and then.

He wondered whether she knew how beautiful she was. Generally, beautiful women who knew it became ugly in their vanity. In the months and weeks gone by, he often watched her from his third floor window when she was outside with Marie. He didn´t think she thought much of her own looks, or was very confident in the things that were most positive about her. She would often laugh and smile when she was with the girl, but never when he was with her. She was always so serious when she came to his study. Being this close to her was a different experience entirely, and he hoped she would not stay so serious. Even in the dark he could make out the details of her soft face, her light hair, the blue dress she wore. It was a better view close like this than from his window. It was the simplicity of her beauty, without embellishment, that kept his attention, and the way she carried herself. Perhaps it was simply her youth that struck him, or something else, but he could hardly believe how enchanting she was. Hopefully she would not notice.

In opposition to her earlier silence, Anna's mouth and brain did all they could to fill the silence. She spoke of books she had read, her family, the places in Paris she had been able to visit, art, music, and finally, the weather. Erik, relishing the evening air and change of scenery, listened, engrossed in even the smallest, most useless comment, of which there were many. When she stopped for a breath, he found himself smiling. "Miss Richardson, I do hope you don´t take this the wrong way…but you're different from anyone I've known."

_Anna_

Brain and mouth both were stopped by this comment. What a thing to say! Could it be true? Such a claim demanded further proof. She found the words to request such proof, "How so?" The chill of the night, which had not bothered her to that point, suddenly permeated the thick fabric of her dress, causing her to wrap her arms around herself more tightly, or maybe it was her sudden self-consciousness. Noticing her actions and attributing it to the cold, he unbuttoned his coat jacket and offered it to her before he answered. It seemed so natural and smooth an action that she graciously accepted and stuck her arms through the sleeves. They were far too long, of course, but she found it comfortable to have her hands covered by the fabric, with just a glimpse of her fingers visible. It made a hint of a smile come into her eyes, but she dared not let it spread to her face for fear of embarrassment.

_Erik_

He was pleased to see that his actions had been accepted. "Well…" The usually eloquent Erik searched for an answer for several seconds before answering, "You're English. Of course, there is also the fact that I haven't acquainted myself with many others. And those whom I have known have been artistic types. Musicians, singers, ballet dancers…" She seemed to know what he meant, so there was no need to elaborate further. "It seems that such people have no time for intellectual discussion. Not that they are not intelligent…far from it. But something about you is different, your manner.

That's your purpose in life…to be intellectual, to think of things…to teach. I greatly admire that. It is a path I have taken in my own life." He hoped she would take his words as a compliment and paused for a moment before continuing. "In the time I've lived here, Meg, her mother, and Marie are the only people I've associated with." Should he continue? He might as well. "Other than that, I've played music, I've read, and I've thought. I am a solitary person, if you didn't notice. It comforts me to know that if you wanted, you could talk on these subjects. You could talk to me, if you wanted to, as you are now."

_Anna_

It sounded like a request. But hadn't she just been talking to him? No, not really. She did not know how to respond to this; he could see it on her face. Collecting herself, she commented, "You've my parents to thank for that. We have lovely discussions when we're all together… I always tell my father he's in the wrong profession. He's far too social to be alone in a room, designing buildings. He is much better suited for dealing with others. My mother, too, taught me the importance of good conversation." Talking of herself always made her feel as if she were bragging, so she avoided it by speaking well of others. And it was the truth, so where was the harm?

_Erik_

Changing the subject was the only response she could find. He could tolerate that. She was too polite to address his request directly. It seemed too intimate, too frank. He was too desirous for company to want to scare her away.

"Ah, an architect?" She nodded. He goes along with her line of conversation, as he had always been fascinated by the design of things used in everyday life. He had done his share of inventing and designing himself, but those were not things he could reveal to her...

_Anna_

In time, she found the cold air didn't bother her and the prospect of looking at Erik, mask and all, did not frighten her. She appreciated the gestures of continuing conversation – he must have been around people at some point to understand how to make her at ease. And with this newfound comfort came the curiosity she had felt ever since hearing of Erik in Madame Giry's letters. She desired to know more about this dark stranger, but knew angering him would quickly end their dark evening walk. Treading carefully with her words, Anna chose to ask, "What interests you, besides music?" His response charmed her.

"Well, as you might have noticed, I enjoy reading. Marie's father was well-read…so I keep occupied by reading…" And to the pleasure of Anna, he listed some classic works that she was familiar with, and they began to discuss literature as would two literary critics, one of her great passions.

_Erik_

He had not expected the conversation to have lasted as long as it did. More than that, he felt it was an exchange of very high quality. The feeling this conversation gave him could only be compared to a first drink of water after a long period of thirst. It was refreshing.

After speaking about certain books they both had read, Anna surprised him by speaking of philosophy, another passion of his. "I read some Montiesqu and Voltaire to prepare me to deal with the French…but it hasn't been of much use, as I have not dealt with many Parisans at all, much less any who would want to discuss democratic ideas with me. However, if I do encounter some, I will be ready."

"It seems that people forget the events of the past all too quickly…they seem doomed to repeat them should they not take heed."

The conversation examined the strengths and weaknesses of democracy for a while, but Erik interrupted Anna's question about the local government to make an inquiry of his own, "Now, in my reading of the things which sparked the great Revolution all those years ago, I find the ideas of the Enlightenment rather ridiculous. Reason? Bah! We humans are far from reasonable. The revolution itself began as something to improve the lives of all, but ended up ending more lives than it saved. I am often sickened by human nature."

_Anna_

Never had a conversation flowed as smoothly or endured with such interest as this one, in spite of its rough start. She would never have expected it. And she did not fear in the least for her safety, for she felt her walking partner to be capable of protecting her against anything that lingered out in the darkness. He seemed a part of it, blending in, able to disappear at a moment's notice. But he did not disappear, but stayed present, continuing to talk and be an active participant in the evening´s walk. Erik's sudden outburst of his philosophical beliefs hushed Anna. This was what she had wanted – to know more of him. He was willingly sharing. She nodded, encouraging him to go on. "There is much good in the world, but also much bad. I do not think that humans are reasonable, though we try to think we are so.¨

He enjoyed her addition and continued, ¨You can also look at opera. People are ruled by their emotions. Arias clearly display that fact. Our actions are determined by the way we are feeling. On some occasions, anger or resentment causes violence, wars…on others, emotion can lift our souls higher than we knew possible."

She was struck by how easily the words seemed to come to Erik, and by how attractively he put them together. He obviously knew a thing or two about what he was saying. She had been quite talkative up to this point, but spoke simply and briefly. "I've found that to be true in my own life."

She was shocked when Erik who asked for elaboration. "How?"

She paused for a moment to think of how to put it. "Well, I am surprised at how wrong doing what is thought to be reasonable feels to me sometimes. My conscience makes demands which my brain does not agree with. But in the end, for my own happiness, listening to my heart is the best choice. Not on many occasions, but on a few, this has saved me grief. It doesn't matter what the reasonable thing to do is, I end up doing what feels right."

_Erik_

"Yes. It is simply a matter of realizing when one's emotions are doing harm before it is too late." Would she ever know the true meaning of these words, what value he found in them? They were words which he had taken as a guide, advice to himself which he hoped to God he could follow.

_Anna_

The grounds of the Chagny estate were vast, so as they spoke, they covered much ground. What time it was, neither of them knew. They had been walking for hours, talking at intervals, but Anna did not feel so tense or self-conscious anymore. For this reason, she felt comfortable enough with him to uncross her arms from her chest and let them hang at her sides. She still wore his coat, and felt thankful for it, as it got colder and colder as the night wore on. She wondered how he could stand it.

She had spoken this long with another person before, but never with one of the opposite sex. It intrigued her that they could still find things to discuss…

_Erik_

If life were like an ocean, Erik lurked in the depths. It was simply the way he had lived, and he was comfortable there. Anna seemed somewhat acquainted with the depths of her soul, if not as intimately as Erik knew them. It was in the garden that he bared his soul to her. He did not know how to start talking to her about the truth of the whole situation, so he simply started right into it. Having learned to be secretive for his own security, he shocked himself with this self-disclosure. "I'm sure you have lived in a sort of mist since you came here." Anna had been looking away, at the moon in the sky, but she turned towards him when he spoke. She said nothing. He continued, "You have been wondering why on earth you weren't assigned to be the governess of a child with two parents, and without this mystery surrounding the circumstances of her life." Anna nodded, continuing to be silent. "Well, Marie did have parents. If they were here today, I am sure she would have an easier and happier existence."

At this point Anna spoke. "I am sure she will make the most of what circumstances she is given. It does not seem like she's let the tragedy of her life to interfere with her ability to live a normal childhood." She continued, "I've seen pictures of her parents in her room, and Madame Giry told me of the Vicomte and his wife."

"Christine and Raoul." Speaking their Christian names brought flashes of memory back to him…his jealous obsession with the first name….murderous rage towards the second. Neither feeling was present when the flashes ended. It was as if he were speaking of characters in a book, a book he had trouble remembering vividly anymore. But enough of that…the heart of the matter was communicating the truth to this woman in front of him.

Erik thought the first comment she had made was a good one, so he nodded to her in recognition before going on. He had a point, he must get to it. "I know you must wonder wherever I came from and why I am here." She nodded. "Well, Marie's mother was my student. I used to live in the opera house, where she was a chorus girl and dancer. She knew Meg, they were like sisters. But to Christine I gave singing lessons..." Knowing of Meg and her mother's affiliation with ballet, and his connection with Madame Giry, Erik knew his explanation was reasonable.

What came next, however, was probably most unexpected. "I loved her. She was a beautiful girl, and her voice was beautiful. One of the most beautiful I've ever heard, especially with training." The expression on his face softened at the thought of Christine. "However, she did not love me. I thought, if I made her something more than someone in the chorus, I might earn her affections. I made her a star…if only for a while. But it did not work, she did not love me in return…not in the way I wanted her to." The faint taste of a selfless kiss seemed to linger on his lips and made them tingle in the memory of it.

He rubbed the side of his face not covered by the mask. "So she went off and married the Vicomte de Chagny…Raoul…leaving the opera behind. I never saw her again."

The whole time he spoke of Christine, he did not look at Anna, but at this point he looked into her eyes. The consequences be damned, the girl needed to know. "My life has been a dark one, you understand, and when Madame Giry told me of their child…I struggled against the waves of darkness…trying not to be drowned. I should have wished them happiness, but all I felt was bitterness." His voice wavered. "Then, they departed from this life. Together." He spoke as if telling some story he wished were not true. "It is how it should be, though. They lived for each other, so it is proper that they should leave this world together. It was as it should be."

"It was a few years later that I spoke with Giry…she and Meg had cared for the child. They found me, and Giry revealed that Christine had made me the girl's godfather."

"Since she left, I had accepted Christine's choice. It was what made her happy, and she deserved happiness. It was quite unfortunate that she and Raoul would never get to raise Marie. I swore that I would care for the girl if it were the last thing I ever did, and it came to pass that I became her legal guardian, with much help from Madame Giry. I swore to myself that I would watch over her, guide her, make her everything her mother had wanted her to be. It has given me much motivation having the young girl in my care." He released a sigh of relief to have gotten the story out into the open. "So now you know…I've probably told you too much, but I find it necessary to

know the whole story myself…it is necessary we have no confusion between us regarding Marie."

_Anna_

Anna knew it had taken a lot of courage for him to tell her this, but she did not know how she could react to such a story. She was floored by the secrets she had just been told. Erik noticed her bewildered look and nodded. Her brain seemed unable to take it all in at once.

"You don't have to say anything. It has been troubling me for some time that you have worked here for so long without knowing these things. I am not interested in the house…or the money. I'm interested in the welfare of Marie."

"Worldly possessions have little value for me…I cannot use them as others do.

It's quite freeing, actually."

They were in the gardens, and Anna found it necessary to sit down. Erik waited as Anna seemed to process what she had been told. He drew from his trouser pocket a faded silver pocketwatch with the name Daae engraved on one side and rubbed it mindlessly, taking in the sights of the evening.

On the wooden bench, Anna stared at the ground and touched the buttons on her dress, her attention not on the figure before her but her reaction to what had come to pass that evening. As the night had progressed, Anna grew less and less frightened by this man. She was sure seeing him out of his study had something to do with this fact, and also the conversations they were having. It was one of the most rewarding and least superficial that she had ever had. It was upon arriving to this thought that she stood up, gave Erik a look much like Madame Giry had at dinner, one of understanding, and nodded towards the house.

He didn't need to be told, she wanted to go inside. The two of them began the walk to the house in the half-light of early morning. On this walk, Anna realized what this evening might have seemed to an outsider. Not appropriate. But to her heart, Anna knew it was completely appropriate. She felt less apprehension than before regarding Erik. Nevertheless, she had never been outside on the estate so late. It was strange to see all the sights she knew so well in a lack of light, but she was becoming acquainted to the darkness. Or at least she had thought so. They were within a few yards of the house when she turned from Erik to glance behind her while still walking forward, distracted by the sound of the wind blowing through some of the trees on the estate. This caused her to step mistakenly, twisting her ankle and falling into the dust. It happened so fast that it was almost like a ballet move…with a worse ending than was usually intended.

_Erik_

The fall was as much a surprise to Erik as it had been to Anna. He was completely caught off guard, and found himself unable to move quickly enough to keep her from touching the ground. The least he could do was bend down in order to help her up. "Are you all right?" He held her right hand and arm once she was on her feet, in case she was still unsteady, having walked on her right.

"Yes," she said, though the pained look on her face spoke differently. "I think I'll be able to walk to the house…" She made an attempt, but grimaced in pain. "It's my ankle. Maybe I do need some help." So, with Erik's help, she staggered to the front steps and walked up into the house.

_Anna_

It had been her plan, upon reaching the house, to go straight to her room, but

Erik would not let her do that. He took her to the study and had her sit on the chaise she so enjoyed. "Let's see that you're all right…" He seemed to take it upon himself to make sure she was uninjured, as all the servants were asleep in their beds at home. He was responsible for her well-being.

"Oh, I'm fine," she said, but Anna could not deny the pain she felt. It seemed to worsen because her shoes were uncomfortable. Fashionable, yes; comfortable, no. They were not her normal shoes, but special ones she had worn especially for the occasion of Meg's coming to dinner. "Okay…" Having laid her legs out towards Erik, who sat on the edge of the seat, she turned to the side to slip off her shoe and stocking. As she did so, facing away from her, he removed the black gloves he had been wearing. She glimpsed pale but slender hands where had previously been cold, smooth leather. When she returned to her former position, he took her bare foot in his hand as tenderly as if he were dealing with a porcelain vase.

As he gently moved her foot to make sure she hadn't broken any bones, Anna felt extremely embarrassed. Not only because she had fallen in a moment of clumsiness, but also because he was touching her. Showing one's foot was about as taboo as could be. She was showing nearly half of her lower leg! Guiding her into the house by her arm was acceptable, but having one's foot touched by a member of the opposite sex was totally out of the question. Etiquette forbid it; Anna knew this situation was the exception. Still, when he asked if it hurt when he moved it, she could only move her head to respond.

When he touched her, his hands were cold, causing her to shiver. His touch, however, was soft and gentle. Her heart was not speaking up to say that any of this was dangerous, so Anna felt comforted by the encouraging words, "I think you might be sore for a while, but nothing seems to be broken." His concern seemed genuine.

Having hid her face to conceal her humiliation, she dropped her hands into her lap and looked at him. "Thank you…that's good to know. I could die of embarrassment right now. I am terribly clumsy. Would never make it as a ballerina." She raised her eyes, a bit of humor sparkling in her eyes at her joke.

He did not look away from her, but looked at her straight on. Something in his expression – in those eyes – reminded her of the look he had given her earlier when talking of Christine. Those eyes, even slightly obscured by a mask, said more to her than he could ever make verbal. That intense look came from one who seemed to see to her very soul. It was a look she could not describe and to which, in her naiveté, she could not react. What did it mean? She began to blush, realizing he still had a hand on her foot and had begun to rub it without realizing what he was doing. His hands seemed to be getting warmer. "I think I'm ready to go to bed, after such an exciting night."

Looking behind him at the clock on the wall, Erik nodded. "Yes, you aren't used to being up so late, I'm sure." He looked back to her, finally taking notice of his hands on her foot and releasing her. "Might I help you up to your room? Those stairs are quite a task without being injured."

Turning to return her stocking to her bare foot, she nodded. "Yes, that would be nice." Not liking the prospect of returning the uncomfortable shoe to her foot, she simply removed her left one and held them both in her left hand.

Erik and Anna attempted to climb the stairs in the house as they had the front steps, with Anna's arm around his shoulder. After about three stairs climbed in this way, they saw it was tedious work and stopped. "This is ridiculous. You will never get there this way. Allow me to carry you. Please, save yourself some pain." Anna complied with his request, as she did not want to take the rest of the night getting to her room.

However, it felt quite awkward when he took her into his arms. She had been carried before, as a child and when she had fallen from her horse a few years before, but it had always been by she'd known and trusted with all her heart. With Erik, she was neither completely familiar with him nor completely trusting of him, so it was an odd feeling to have his arms around her. It was strange, but also pleasant.

The trip up the flight of stairs went relatively quickly, but something in her wished it had lasted longer. A dull ache in her stomach had started, but it wasn't an entirely unpleasant feeling. His arms held her securely, so she was sure she wouldn't fall. His right hand rested on her lower back, while the other held her legs in a gentle grasp. He had replaced his gloves onto his hands, aware of how inappropriate and intimate his examination of her foot had been; it was as if he was trying to replace the formality to the situation. In order to feel more balanced, she had put her arms around his neck, as pale as his hands had been, but not as cold. Exhausted by the day's events and by the late hour, she put her head on his right shoulder for a moment and closed her eyes, feeling greatly relieved in spite of her fall. She was very close to his face, and could have easily taken off his mask if she wanted, but she knew that would ruin the trust he had in her. They had made a connection that night, something stronger and more meaningful than a master-servant relationship. Perhaps it was their conversations that caused her to feel safe in his arms for those few moments. This feeling outweighed the curiosity of what lay beneath the mask. When he let her down outside her room, she thanked him. "Thank you for all your help. I must be more careful or Marie will have an invalid governess.¨

He shook his head to her comment. "One cannot help momentary lapses of attention. Perhaps I am to blame, since you aren't used to walking about outside at night."

"No, not at all. It was me." She dusted off her shoes, in her hands, standing there in her stocking feet. "I am glad we had this time, Sir. You were good company." With her free hand, she touched his hand and tried to express her gratitude in her eyes. He looked at her for a long moment, as if accepting her thankfulness, before wishing her a good night and bowing slightly to her. Her stomach began to hurt again.

As Anna hobbled about her room, changing her dusty clothing and readying herself to sleep, she thought of what had happened that night. She was no longer so frightened by Erik, but something in their dealings with each other frightened her. Why did she tingle so at the touch of his hand on her ankle? Why did it feel so comforting to be carried up the stairs? Why had she enjoyed walking in the dark? What had that glance in the downstairs library meant? What was this pain in her stomach?

They were questions she asked of herself, and questions she was unable to answer. She abandoned her questions to think of Erik for a moment. For someone who did not get out much, his conversation was mostly pleasant, with moments of sadness interspersed. He was really not so bad as she had thought before meeting him.

_Erik_

Restraint had never been an easy thing for Erik. He felt all of his emotions to their full extent and let the sensation envelop his entire being, often to the detriment of others. But as Anna had touched his hand outside her bedroom, he kept himself from responding. It had taken superhuman effort to do so. It wasn't for lack of words to say; his mind had flooded with thoughts, with words he wanted to say to her. His mind had countless actions it wanted his limbs and hands and fingers to perform, but he controlled them. He mustn't say that. He mustn't do that. That would only frighten her. She had only just met him, she did not understand him yet. He must not betray the trust she had in him. Perhaps she would one day, and she could hear what he had to say to her. After they bid each other good night, she turned and went into her room, and like that, she was gone. He turned and slowly made his way back to his room.

Erik seldom went to bed when it was still dark outside. As he locked the door behind him, he knew it was against routine, but he desperately wanted to surrender to sleep. In sleep, he was peaceful, without feelings torturing him. After the night's walk with Anna, he was uneasy. More so than usual. He knew not what caused this feeling.

Thoughts kept him awake. He so seldom glanced in the single mirror he owned that he almost forgot what he looked like. Tonight was different…he wanted to see what Anna saw when she looked at him. The full-length mirror was covered by a sheet, which he slowly pulled away. Yes, there he was. Erik…the opera ghost, the Phantom. He had not been called so in a long time, nearly a decade, but he would always have that part of his life to remember. Unfortunately. He had been looking at the clothes he wore, but his eyes quickly went to his face. What had changed since he last saw himself? A few new age lines near his eyes. Such was expected. He had always been a slender man…perhaps it was the light…but his face seemed more cadaverous. He needed to eat more. He was too pale. One thing that had not changed was his mask. He touched it. A constant, silent companion. Would he ever remove it again? In all likelihood, he would not. He slept in it, and would be buried as well with it on his face. Removing it these days made him feel unclothed. With the mask, he disguised what made him different from other men.

He shuddered at the morbid thought of the day he would be buried. The mask often brought such thoughts to his mind, and he dealt with them. What he did not expect was that the mask would bring him a cheerful thought. More specifically, a thought of Anna. As they went up the stairs, she could have removed his mask with ease…she was very close to his face. Why hadn't she? He knew how curious she was, she could not, pardon the pun, mask her own feelings as he could. It made him feel strange that she had resisted her own urges. Thoughts of her actions soon meshed into his own thoughts and desires. Did she know how it felt to have her in his arms? It felt very good, and she pleased all of his senses. Just as the pleasant aroma of a hot meal encourages one to come to the dinner table, this pleasant feeling made Erik want to leave his room more often.

She was a pleasant sight, with soft and straight hair of a light color and eyes a pure blue. She smelled sweet, like one of the flowers in the garden. Her voice was pleasant on his ears, and she spoke like one well-educated. Touch was the latest sense she had enthralled in that short trip in his arms up the stairs. She was not heavy for him to carry, and her dress and skin were soft against him. As he had gently touched her ankle, her soft, alabaster skin had worked its way into his memory. He had been surprised by her gentleness almost as much as his own. For someone who had grown up in the city, she seemed genuine. She made it a point to heed that old piece of advice, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Most of the time, at least, when curiosity hadn´t gotten the better of her.

While he had been truly concerned for her, he also found himself confronted by his desire for her. And taste? No, he had not experienced her with this sense, as much as he wanted to…he mustn't get ahead of himself. If she were able to keep from removing his mask, he would have to keep his own desires under control. _Restraint. Hold yourself back._ _Delay action. All things in their time,_ he murmured to himself. He could take the agony in between…perhaps one day he would feel the bliss which his desire promised to be his. But not this day….he must wait.

His desire at bay, his brain started thinking logically. Had he shared too much? Speaking about Christine, who had meant so very much to him, to the girl who would educate her daughter? No, it was necessary to tell her about Christine. He wanted his intentions for Marie to be clear to Anna. Already she seemed more at ease with that mystery explained.

As soon as logic had satisfied itself, his mind abandoned it. What was this? Concern for others? Who was this man? His thoughts again turned dark, as quickly as one extinguishes a candle. A part of him always questioned any actions not violent or murderous in nature. He knew he felt dark feelings, but a part of him had wanted to act upon them in years past. In the time since Christine had gone from him, he'd taken control of himself and his impulses. The proof lay in the fact he had treated Anna with courtesy. The self-doubt, however, plagued him to an even stronger degree than ever before.

He covered the mirror again, dressing for bed and going through a door into his bedroom. Once he laid his head on the pillow in the dark, thoughts of Anna returned to his mind. She was all he wished he could be. She was able to get a formal education and could into public without fear. This triggered pangs of jealousy that she should have such privileges, but the pain subsided. She was not so different from him. She might be able to go into Paris on occasion, but she worked for him and was forced to become almost as solitary as he was. In taking the position, she had agreed to spend her time with those who lived in the house, and few others. She had essentially signed over ten or more years of her life. That was a serious commitment…had she known what she was getting into?

She must have, since she was still here. Others would have fled at the prospect of such solitude. She embraced it, as if it were what she had always wanted. What an extraordinary person she was. He felt as if they had much in common in this way.

He tried to discern his feelings for her. Was it simply her beauty and youth that set his heart aflame whenever she was near? Was he obsessed, as he was with Christine? She was an attractive and intelligent girl, it was not entirely impossible. Or was she different from others? She did not turn away from him in disgust but looked him straight in the eye. Was that a part of her attraction? Why couldn't he figure it out?


	4. Chapter 4

**Act III**

**Though we travel the world over**

**to find the beautiful,**

**we must carry it with us**

**or we will not find it.**

– **Ralph Waldo Emerson**

**July 1880**

_Erik_

Anna had been Marie's governess for just over a year, and in that time Erik had seen a difference in Christine's daughter. She was a bright child, of course, so she had learned much from Anna's lessons, but there also seemed a change in her behavior. Marie was more subdued and well-behaved in general these days. In the time before Anna had come, Marie had recognized how much he adored her, and had used it to her advantage. She had gotten away with much mischief before having a governess. It seemed that while Anna enjoyed the girl's company, she was clear with her discipline, and Marie's conduct reflected that.

She was on her way to becoming the lady Christine would have had her become. He felt a pride in Marie's progress, but at the same time he felt a great sense of gratitude towards the young woman who had taught her. She was able to teach the girl so much more than that which was in books. For one, she was teaching Marie social skills. This was something in which he could never hope to instruct her. Such was the curse of living a solitary life. But what was he to do – go into public? That was not allowed. His world was now Christine and Raoul's estate…just as he had lived the majority of his life in the Opera Populaire. Here, he was not cursed to solitude. He could gaze out on the world and observe its beauty. At times, he wished he were in his dungeon once more. Here, he could observe the world, but he was still unable to enjoy it firsthand while the sun crept through the sky. It was a fate he had never regretted until now.

In the deepest part of his heart he held some hope. Christine had given it to him all those years ago. His current living conditions kept this flickering glimmer from being extinguished. It lifted his spirits to have visitors, to share his space with others. Since he had formally met Marie's governess, and especially since their night-time walk, he did not feel so isolated. He did not lock himself in his room all hours of the day, as he had for some time before.

He would dine with Anna and Marie on occasion at dinner, would come down when

Madame Giry or Meg and Rose visited, and he found it freeing to be on a floor other than his own. He was not sure whether Miss Richardson knew her effect on him.

_Anna_

After that night they had walked, things had changed for Anna as well. While her bruised ankle had healed, the memory of that night would not leave her. Her manner was different now in light of what she had learned that night. Not only with Erik himself, but also with everyone else she came into contact with it. She spoke differently to Marie and acted with more understanding. Madame Giry noticed the newfound sense of awareness about the girl.

And the other servants? Had she been able to select whose behavior she could change back, it would be theirs. Her relationship with the other servants had been easier then. They would joke and laugh together, and Anna had felt a sense of camaraderie around them. But she had separated herself from them by associating with Erik. Their behavior had changed very quickly after the night of Marie's birthday, but it had taken her a while to notice the change. No longer did they treat her as an equal. When she'd enter the room, all talk would stop. She would hear a "Hello" maybe, nothing more. It was about a month after Marie's birthday that it was revealed to her their true feelings.

She had walked into the kitchen one afternoon, quietly, to hear the maids whispering to one another about her. Of course, it was Charlotte who said the comment that struck a knife to Anna´s heart. "I can't believe she's become one of 'those' girls. I really thought she was better than that. But now she's just as bad as the whores in the street. Cavorting with one´s employer is in very bad taste."

That entire week, she could not show her face to them for fear that she would burst into tears. The behavior of her 'friends' upset her deeply. It became evident that they thought she was sleeping with her employer for special treatment, when nothing could be further from the truth. Yes, she spent time with Erik…but it was nothing like that…was it?

_Erik_

He noticed something was wrong when she was in his study one afternoon. Anna was usually quite talkative, but today there was no trace of her sunny disposition visible. When he spoke with her, she did not respond, but nodded, seeming distracted. Erik attempted to speak with her, but after a few minutes, it became too much for her to sit. Anna walked to the window and looked out. What was wrong? What could he do about it?

_Anna_

After five minutes of gazing out the window, Anna had come to a conclusion: it was far too bothersome to think of what others thought of her. Why did she care so much? Knowing Erik was probably surprised by her behavior, she explained, "I can't speak as we normally do tonight, Sir. I'm troubled."

He got out of his chair and approached her. "Whatever by?"

She seemed hesitant to reveal it to him. But his eyes were too pleading…she could not simply leave him in the dark. Surely he must know what was thought of him. "By this…by the way we go on." She turned away from him, not wanting to look at him as she spoke. It was too embarrassing. "I know there isn't anything to it…but I wish the other servants would see that." It had taken a lot of courage for her to actually come out and say it. How she wished he would understand and leave it at that. But he did not. "I regret that having you as a friend would have such horrid consequences for me."

"What are you saying?"

She didn't mean to take an annoyed tone with him, but this was ridiculous.

"You shouldn't sound so naïve." He was a man, wasn't he? Why should he sound like he didn't know what she was saying? "A woman, speaking alone to a man? I should have known they'd assume the worst. I can't believe it. They scarcely treat me like I'm human any more." Certainly men knew more of such matters, didn't they? She could hardly look at him now, since he was the source of all this trouble. Why had she ever gone outside with him, alone? That was what had started this whole mess.

_Erik_

When they spoke, he usually kept his distance from her. Perhaps it was this distance that kept him from knowing what she truly meant. He stepped closer to her, not too close but just enough so he could look into her eyes. She looked back at him and he saw a new emotion in her eyes, one he had never wished to see. It was always easy to read her emotions, but he wished that he didn't see this. It was disgust. Regret. Shame. She looked much like a wounded animal, wishing for death's speedy arrival. Why should she look so hurt? He certainly understood now, but this was unforeseen. He could not speak…what could he possibly say? He paused a moment, trying to think of something that would make her feel better. Finding nothing, he thought of his own actions and regretted they should have such consequences. He had never meant for his association with her to spread his own alienation from society to her.

An apology was all he could give. "Miss Richardson, it is I who have caused this misunderstanding…" She did not seem to be paying attention to him. "Miss Richardson…" She still did not look at him. "…Anna." His use of her Christian name promptly brought her attention to him, as he meant it to do. "Do stop questioning your own actions. You have not acted in any way that was not proper. It is perhaps I who should be ashamed. I can see the error I have made. A young woman such as yourself should not be walking around at night...especially with the likes of me. I apologize. I should have acted with more discretion. I am entirely to blame."

Her eyes reflected how powerless she felt. "What am I to do? If I tried to explain, they would not believe me. Who would ever think that a young woman could be _friends_ with a man? As true as it is, you would agree that it is a very rare occurrence, especially between someone like you and someone like I."

He nodded. "It is not a matter which you can fix on your own. I do not know if

I can, either, but I will try my best. I will speak with Demme personally and instruct her to pass on my words to the other servants. I have much influence…a personal appearance would certainly send a message."

_Anna_

He was going to speak with the servants. Anna seemed to sense that such an action was out of Erik's comfort zone, but also heard the sense of determination in his voice. "…are you sure?" He nodded in response and she submitted to the plan he had. She hoped it would have the outcome he desired.

_Erik_

When Anna left that night, Erik stood thinking at the window, staring out into space. Why hadn't he seen the results of his actions? How could he have been so stupid? Honestly. Anna was a governess, he was the supposed 'master of the house.' He held no real power in running the household. However, since the servants had never had a face-to-face meeting with him before, he held more of a psychological power over them. He was always better at that, anyway. He would plan out his words, his actions…he would use his voice. He had always known his voice could be intimidating.

He had to do it; he had to fix things for her. It was he who had put her in this dilemma. Erik thought of how she had looked in his study that night. Powerless, angry, distraught, all feelings he wished never to see displayed on her lovely face. They did not seem right. Anna was not at all a powerless individual. Though she may have been born a woman, she did everything it was in her power to do to control her life for the better. A momentary slip of judgment on his part and she could lose the relationships she had worked so hard to cultivate with the other servants. It wasn't like he could simply keep her to himself. That was not fair to her. She was a social creature, and without the association of others, she would surely lose the spark of life he saw in her eyes. And it was the prospect of that event that made it final. He would repair her reputation, if it was the last thing he did.

It was a day that Anna had taken Marie into the city to visit Madame Giry that he chose to put his thoughts into action. He had planned and rehearsed this day for at least a week; he had never been one to blather on, so he would speak in a way that was concise yet full of meaning. As he walked down the stairs, alone, he felt uncomfortable. This was not his normal way of behaving. It was more comfortable for his demeanor to stay locked on the third floor. But driven by Anna, as he was that night he had gone outside, his feet continued moving him forward. He wore his normal outfit, black trousers and a white buttoned shirt, but today added the suit coat in order to strike a more formal and imposing figure. He hoped all would be well.

Anna had told him that Madame Demme usually had a cup of tea at this time of the afternoon, so he made his way to the servants' dining room. In passing through the kitchen, he came upon a few maids, who absently curtsied to him, unable to do anything more. Their faces reflected the mixture of shock and fear they felt. Who was this man, and why was he intruding into their territory? They would have their answers soon enough.

He knocked on the door to the dining room and waited. He heard footsteps and grumbling. Madame Demme began to speak, "Charlotte, you don't need to knock on the door, you can come…" Erik stopped her, mid-sentence. This person was not

Charlotte. "Hello, Sir."

"Good afternoon." Neither did Erik's tone nor his face hold any warmth. It was all part of the plan. "Madame Demme, might I have a word with you?" The same shock and fear he had seen in the faces of the maids was on her face.

Looking down, she nodded. "Yes, yes…of course, sir. Come right in." She took a seat by her teacup while he sat across from her. As if forgetting something, she stood, saying, "Could I get you any tea, sir?"

He shook his head. "No." She sat back down and was silent. Obviously he had come to speak with her. She would not interrupt, for she feared what would happen if she did. Madame Demme was a large figure, effective at striking fear in the heart in any brash maid or cheeky stableboy. What a change this was! She seemed scared out of her wits. He waited a long moment, his eyes seeming to burn holes through her into the wall behind her. He began, then. "I've come on behalf of Miss Richardson."

She should have known. Demme opened her mouth as if to speak, but found the words would not come. He was glad she could not say anything. Any words she might say would only anger him further. Why did they assume such hurtful things of someone like Anna? "I have heard what is being thought of her and I would like to speak with you about it. You are to tell the other servants of our discussion, word for word. Are we in agreement?"

Demme nodded and he went on. "Whatever is being said, it needs to stop. You may not trust me, I understand, but you are to trust Miss Richardson. Do not spread your obvious animosity toward me in her direction. Perhaps you do not know her very well, but one thing should be very clear to you. She is of such moral fiber that I wish more people in the world acted as she does. These rumors must stop…think of me what you will, but please do not stain her reputation with 'what ifs.' Hate me if you will, you have reason enough, but give her a chance. She would never say a bad word about anyone. There was one night in which I let my thoughts of her well-being slip, and my actions have created this confusion. I am not the monster you think I am. And she is certainly nothing of the sort." He took a long breath and noticed the housekeeper glancing at him. More specifically, the mask. "You are to treat her with as much courtesy and respect as she treats you. Or I will get involved. Do you understand? You do not want that, by any means."

Again, she could do nothing but nod blankly. "I know everything that is going on in this house, like it or not. I see what is done, and I hear what is said. I will know if you are treating Miss Richardson in a way not suitable to her character." This man, this Erik, left the first floor having thoroughly frightened one housekeeper and two maids. His threats were not physical ones, but somehow they were just as effective. Faced with the choice of treating the governess nicely or losing their jobs, it was obvious what behavior they had chosen. And out of fear, the three accepted his words and followed his directions accordingly. What influence Miss Richardson had! If this man had spoken about her character, it must truly be as he said it was.

Before the night was over, the servants stopped gossiping about Anna, and had started talking to her again. While Anna was glad that she was not met with silence, she couldn't help thinking that Erik had intimidated them into accepting her. That would not do. The Erik she had gotten to know would never act in that way towards her. Why should he treat others that way? She blamed his lack of interaction with others for this. How could they do anything about it? She would have to find a way.

Anna's guess that Erik had scared the servants into treating her nicely was correct. They seemed on their best behavior, for fear of the consequences if they acted otherwise. Thinking of the few moments they had seen him, the maids quivered with fear. The mask had frightened them most. Madame Demme, too, did not like the fact he wore it on his face. There was something dark and dangerous about someone with a secret, someone who hid from the world. Would they ever know the truth? Did they want to? Until the time when they were faced with the discovery of this secret, they would rather forget about the shadowy figure that had visited them that day.

_Anna_

In the preceding months, so much had happened. To Anna, Erik had gone from a complete stranger to an interesting and complex individual with whom she could talk. A friend. She had gotten along with the other servants, but it seemed strange that she was so at ease with Erik, a man who was years older than her. In spite of the suggestions of his dark past and his threatening actions towards the servants, she did not feel like she was in danger around him.

Children sometimes have more insightful minds than those for which we give them credit. Marie was young, but in the time she had been a student under Anna, she had gotten to know her. With this familiarity came a sense for what she was feeling. Anna knew the girl was smart, but it wasn't until Marie revealed it to her that she knew the true extent of it. It happened one day, after their lessons. The two of them sat in the second floor study, drawing pictures. Marie's kitten was slowly taking shape, while Anna's lake with ducks in it appeared too lumpy to be real. Anna would never make it as an artist. Thank goodness she was a governess. Troubled by her lack of talent, she had stopped drawing when Marie put down her colored pencil. "Anna?"

'Anna' sounded so much better than 'Miss Richardson.' She would never get used to being called by her last name. "Yes?"

The little girl's eyes seemed a bit unsure about what she was about to say. "Can I ask you something? Promise you won't be mad."

"_Mon petit_, I could be upset by you, but nothing you could ask could ever make me angry with you. What is it?" Anna hoped her words were reassuring to the child.

"It's Uncle Erik. He likes you, I think."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Marie never had this uncomfortable look on her face. Anna needed to find out why her statement brought such discomfort.

"What do you mean, Marie?" Oh no, not Marie too. If she had known her friendship with 'Uncle Erik' would cause so many problems, Anna would never have started talking with him. The girl looked away from her, seeming to think about something. "Please, tell me what you mean. I won't be mad."

"Uncle Erik and I don't do so much anymore together. Doesn't he like me anymore?"

So that was it. She was jealous. Anna knew it would come, but was unprepared to deal with it. She stood up, went over to the girl's chair, knelt by her, and took her hands. "Marie, angel…he could never love anyone more than he loves you. He would give anything to know that you are safe. I assure you that you will always hold you in a very special place in his heart. I can tell he cares for you…he is so proud of what you've learned so far and what you are to learn in the future. You are the apple of his eye, the beat of his heart. You are everything to him. I could never interfere with that. You are his very world, child."

Marie's facial expression relaxed and she nodded. "I just…I forget, sometimes.

Don't tell him, all right?"

"My lips are sealed." The girl seemed a bit upset still, so Anna thought it wise to comfort her further. "He sleeps most the day…maybe you could write him a note asking if he could take you riding one of these afternoons. I know how much you enjoy it. Surely he doesn't know how you feel unless you let him know."

"Yes…I can…will you help me?"

After her conversation with Marie that afternoon, Anna had to sit down and evaluate her feelings for Erik…and his feelings for her. She found herself unsure on both counts. She enjoyed talking with Erik, as they could discuss a topic for hours and not get bored. Sometimes their opinions differed, but when they disagreed, it was always a respectful debate that occurred. Her fear was gone, but her curiosity remained. What had caused him to become like this? What was under his mask? She knew what the other servants had thought. Were they right? Was that the end result of all this? Was he only out to seduce her? There had to be a reason they assumed what they did. They had spent various nights alone in his study…talking of course, but they had been alone. If he had so desired, she could not have refused his advances. She would have been helpless to resist. He could easily overpower her if he wanted. And she doubted that she would even want to resist…her heart would have given in, in spite of the many things her brain would have found wrong with the situation.

_Erik_

He knew he was being a hypocrite. He had spoken to the housekeeper on Anna's behalf, to 'clear things up,' but still he felt a deep, personal interest in her. She did not monopolize his thoughts; he could not let her, it would not have been safe. His obsession for Christine had driven him to commit unspeakable acts, and these acts had done nothing but to estrange the girl further. He mustn't let the past repeat itself. Once was enough.

He found satisfaction in this friendship, in their conversations, yet he wanted more. It was in July that he sensed she knew his feelings for her had changed. But he mustn't do what his desires whispered, it would be nearly as bad as every act he had committed for Christine. But how to possess her, truly possess her, within her own boundaries?

She said little as they sat in the downstairs library. She would not look at him for as long, but simply sat in one place, hands entwined, legs crossed gracefully at the ankle. It was her silence that told him something was wrong. So this was how it was going to happen. She was simply going to wait for him to tell her how he felt. The pressure to say the right words seemed to be crushing him. This was worse than his talk with Madame Demme. What could he possibly say? What were her feelings? He wished he could come right out and ask her, but knew such an action was not proper. So, instead of confessing his own feelings right then and there, he looked outside. "Would you like to go for a walk?"

_Anna_

When he made this request of her, all she could do was nod weakly. As they walked, she was silent, too troubled to speak. It was a walk that had started all this. He had not given her any reason not to trust him, but she still questioned his motives. What would he say? What was the truth? What would he do?

_Erik_

It did not take very long for Erik to realize this walk was not like the other he had taken with Anna. Instead of looking at her, he looked at the ground ahead of him. He felt like hiding…her silence was worse than anything she could say. Why did she seem so upset? Would his words even help? They needed some privacy if he was to say to her what he felt. This was certainly not where he wanted to have such a conversation with her, out in the open. It was still somewhat light out, so they would obviously be seen. Where could they go? Slowly they approached the stable. Ah, that would work. Instead of saying anything to her, he simply led her to the stable. Opening the door for her, he saw that there was no one inside. No one, that is, but the horses, Anna, and himself.

_Anna_

'What is he doing?' Anna thought. Would all that she feared come to pass? Is this a place that would hold horrid memories? Would he hurt her? In order to soothe her fears, she approached a black stallion with a brass nameplate above his stall saying his name was Fantomê, the French word for ghost. She began to gently rub the horse's snout, the horse cooperating with her. Slowly, she relaxed, looking into the horse's dark eyes. She should do this more often…she would not be so tightly wound. All her troubles melted into nothingness as this Fantomê shared his silent wisdom with her.

_Erik_

Erik watched her silently as she rubbed the horse´s snout. 'Fantome'? How ironic was that? He had the desire to laugh but knew it would not improve Anna's current mood. That out of all the horses in the stable, she should pick one with a name like that. What was wrong with her tonight? Usually she was at ease when they were together. She seemed…scared, was it? He did not wish for her to seem so troubled. He would calm her; he must, if he was to reveal how he felt. Talk of Marie always helped. "Marie tells me you've been wanting to take her to the museum." Oh, how he wished that his tone could speak for itself. But she was distracted tonight, he would have to act. He would have to do that for which he had never prepared, share his feelings.

_Anna_

"Yes, I have." Was he trying to start a conversation? What was the point if he was only out to do something horrid? Shouldn't he just get to it? "She says you've been asking more about her lessons these days…wanting to help her, and things of that sort."

"Yes. It seemed to me, after we rode that afternoon, that I've been neglecting her. And that is the last thing I'd ever want to do. It breaks my heart to think how she must have felt." She stopped when he spoke of his heart. He seemed sincere enough in his feelings for Marie, but she was still not completely sure of what he intended for her. She turned her attention back to the horse. Anna did not look back at him until he said her name. Her first name. She had heard others speak her name before, but something about the way he said it was different. It was more a sigh than a spoken word, more a song than a name.

_Erik_

"Anna." To this point, it seemed the word had been stuck in his throat. It came out like the babbling of a brook…so comforting that he could live the rest of his life saying that solitary word. She did not object to this use of her first name, but said nothing, looking at him and turning away from the horse. "You've been around me long enough to know a little bit about me. You seem to realize I do not feel like I belong. I have my own world…my mind, my music, my thoughts. Outside of this world, very few others. Those who I have made a connection with are women, as I do not associate with those of my own sex…I have no desire to do such a thing. It seems that those women with whom I've connected myself with: Christine, Meg, Madame Giry…you…" He paused for a moment when he spoke of Anna herself. "It seems these women existed outside of the world which put me in this mask…that world which does not welcome me. I guess that these women have come into my world, if only for moments at a time." This might as well be the place that he tell her. He hoped she would accept his words.

_Anna_

Anna looked at him for the longest time, silent, trying to search his eyes for what his true meaning was. Where was he going with this? "I don't understand why you're telling me this." She suddenly felt weak, as if her legs were going to give out from beneath her. Putting a hand on the wall in case she'd need support, she asked, "What do you mean?"

_Erik_

For a moment he felt a twinge of anger that she should be so blind. It soon passed. "Anna, I've grown rather fond of you. I've grown accustomed to your face…to your manner. You are a very pleasant young woman...and your friendship means much to me." The two of them had been facing each other several feet apart. He stepped towards her and touched the sleeve of her dress with two of his fingers, so soft that it was almost not a touch at all. "Anna…I don't want to be in my own world so much of the time." The fabric of her dress was soft, and he looked down at it.

It was then that she spoke, but her voice was a bit shaky. "So they were right, then."

She had not responded to him the way he had thought. Had he expected her to? She looked as if she had just been condemned to die. Oh no, she couldn't think?!…damn it. "'They'? The other servants?" Erik took his hand from her sleeve and looked at her, dismayed. "I thought we had gotten over that." He was shocked that she spoke in such a way when he was speaking honestly to her. He would rather the fear in her eyes was not there. He had not meant to frighten her when revealing his deepest desires.

"Yes, well…they think so. However, the two of us have yet to establish exactly what is going on. What the nature of our relationship truly is. I like having a friend....but is that what we are? Is that what you want of me?" Her voice had gotten stronger, now with twinges of sarcasm mixed in with her words. These hit straight into Erik's heart. He might as well tell her the whole of it now and risk his heart being dashed to pieces. He might burst if he kept it inside any longer.

"Anna, I thought we had an unspoken bond of friendship. Perhaps I was wrong, since you seem so frightened of me. I'm going to come right out and let you know what I've come to feel for you. I can't fight it anymore. I feel something for you, deep in my heart." He touched the left side of his chest to illustrate his point. "You must believe me. It was never and will never be my intent to transform you into something which you are not or to make you do things which you would not do. The last thing I would like to do is to mislead you. But I would like to be with you. Love you. The way you want, the way you need…the way that both the world and your heart would accept."

He saw a sense of regret in her eyes. Surely she knew that he took everything seriously, and it had hurt him for her to speak in such a mocking tone. "I didn't know…how could I?" Her tone had relaxed and she tried to comfort him.

"You're always so secretive." Her fear was thrown aside, as if it were a garment she were wearing. This was Erik, her friend, offering his very heart to her.

"I didn't expect you to know, I am quite good at hiding things about myself." The truth must be told. "You know, I'm doing something quite out of the ordinary, telling you what I feel, but it is important. Would you like to know what I said when I spoke with the housekeeper? I told her that though she may not trust me, you are to be trusted. That you are of such integrity that such questioning as the others had done was a crime against your nature. I see that part of you, and I hope you realize that. I am sure that has something to do with why I feel this way for you." All of a sudden his voice, which had been so soft, turned hard. "I don't think you understand, although you certainly try. I want to feel something good in my life…for so long I've lived alone, hating everyone and everything. It is not an existence I want to continue. I will not survive much longer without you…you've become as necessary for me to live as food or air." He noticed she said nothing in response, and his voice returned to its former soft tone. "You don't need to say anything…" He feared what she would say. "I just want you to think of it. Whenever you are ready…I will be waiting for your response. I don´t want to force you to feel a way you do not feel, but I want you to examine your heart and let me know what you find."

_Anna_

'I've never known a man so aware of his emotions as Erik,' Anna thought. What could she say in response to him? She was too ashamed of her fear of him, too shocked by the intensity of his feelings, to even speak. Nothing else coming to mind, she murmured a heartfelt, "thank you." Something in his speech had helped her not to feel so weak and helpless any longer. Maybe it was the way he had praised her character. Maybe it was the way he had worded it. No matter the cause, she accepted his praise and his challenge. "Yes, you will have an answer. Only…I need time…to think."

"The one thing of which I have much." How sad that he would say such a thing. Everyone had time, didn't they? Was there nothing else of abundance in his life?

_Erik_

When they parted that night, Erik had expected to go on as they had before.

Little did he know that the time she had asked for was time she needed to spend

away from him. Breaking their routine left him feeling as if each new day without her was more peculiar than the one before; it was agonizing, being without her. It was through Marie that he got word of her. When she came to his study to play her scales and a few new pieces on the piano, the little girl seemed to sense the seclusion he felt.

"Uncle Erik?" she asked, after she had finished playing. He was sitting at his desk when she called out to him.

"Yes, my darling?" He stood, approaching her and leaning against the piano.

"You miss her, don't you?" Her young eyes saw much more than that for which he had given them credit. Marie's two brown ones obviously saw through Erik's façade to his inner feelings. She did very well at that.

"She's okay, Uncle Erik. Don't worry."

He took her hand and patted it gently. "It comforts me to hear that." He was not comfortable talking with Marie about his feelings for Anna, so he changed the subject. "How are your lessons going?"

"They're getting harder. But Anna helps me to understand."

"She's good at that, isn't she?"

"Yes. She doesn't get mad when I don't understand."

"That's called patience. It's a good thing to have. A virtue."

Never having been normal enough to attend worship services, Erik nonetheless knew as much about religion as he did about ancient history, music, and art. And as he went through day after day without Anna, he thought of the martyrs. Pain for a purpose. A sweet reward waiting for them in heaven. They bore their suffering well. How did they stand it? Were there rewards for him, either in this life or beyond it?

His darling Marie provided a date on which his suffering would end, and Erik glimpsed the end to his exile away from Anna. "She told me she's going to have a birthday in August."

"Really? When?"

Marie told him the date and continued to talk, but his thoughts were elsewhere.

Birthdays had always been a foreign idea for him. One day on which people gathered together to celebrate the occasion of one's birth. He had never had a birthday, much less a party. He wasn't sure the date of his birth, so it was not possible to celebrate. Even if he did know it, he did not think he would ever feel happy on such a day, given the circumstances of his life. However, with Marie, he had seen how birthdays were to be, days of celebration and joy. Those sort of days were ones he desperately needed in his life. Now, as he looked at Marie, he could see the beginnings for a plan forming in her mind for Anna. "Are you planning something, Marie?"

The girl grinned. "Yes. I'm making her something special…but it's a secret."

"You can trust me, Marie."

"I knew I could."

_Anna_

Notes had been a regular occurrence in Anna's life since she had been hired.

Whenever Erik wished to relay some communication to Marie or Anna, a note would always say what he intended. It would appear out of nowhere, on a table that minutes before had been bare. And since they had not spoken since that night that he had laid bare his feelings for her, she felt a sense of familiarity when she noticed a different note on her desk the week before her birthday. However, unlike those before it, this note came in a fancier envelope, and was sealed with wax the red color of blood. As she ripped open the envelope, she saw a different sort of paper inside, folded in half. This paper was of higher quality, the type that was not used very often. It was then she knew it was special. She started to read Erik's handwriting, not quite cursive but not exactly printed either.

"Dear Miss Anna Richardson,

You are cordially invited on the thirteenth of August, to spend the day enjoying yourself in celebration of the date of your birth with us."

She smiled, seeing where Erik and Marie had signed their names. The note made her smile in thinking of the two of them working together, but she was curious. The days before her birthday were filled with anticipation. What had Marie planned? How was Erik involved? What would they do? The invitation was decidedly vague.

Time passed as it normally did, causing Anna to get impatient in waiting for her birthday to come. But it did, as it always had. This morning was markedly different from most of the others she had ever experienced in this house. When she woke, Anna noticed the time was late. 8 AM? When was the last time she had ever gotten up after 6?

Guilty as she was already for sleeping in, Anna turned over and went back to sleep. It was around nine or so that Marie came bounding in, full of energy. Anna was awake before she hopped upon the bed. "It's your birthday, Anna! _joyeux_ _anniversaire_!"

"I know, Marie. Maybe I should start getting up and getting ready." To make her point, Anna sat up.

"Can I help you pick out something to wear? You always have the prettiest clothes."

"Oh, you can't be serious," Anna said as she went to the closet. "You, Marie, have much prettier clothing than I." She waved the girl over. "But you are more fashionable than I am, so go right ahead."…

After they were both ready, Marie and Anna ate breakfast together. Anna asked the question that had been burning in her mind since her eyes opened that morning. "Do you suppose your Uncle Erik is up yet?"

"I am sure of it. We planned to start your day at noon…he told me to come up anytime after nine."

Anna had never gone with Marie to Erik´s study, but the girl helped her feel more excited for what they were to do that day. They climbed the stairs together and Anna knocked on the large wooden door. Soon after her knock, Erik answered. It appeared that he had a hint of a smile on his face as he said, "Welcome, ladies. Come right in." After some minor talk with Marie, he nodded towards Anna and commented, "You look well."

Despite the setting, Anna let a small smile creep onto her face. "I am. You must also notice my lovely outfit…Marie picked it out." She twirled about, just as Marie told her to, feeling rather silly but happy nonetheless. It is not very high-necked, and was made of a shiny dark green fabric that complimented her hair color. "Marie, you are so good at that sort of thing."

"Thank you." A tiny curtsy in response elicited a giggle from Anna.

Throughout the day, Erik had a happier demeanor than was customary. The day primary consisted of walking about the estate, with an outdoor picnic that Marie herself had arranged with Madame Demme.

Dinner was one of Anna´s favorite dishes, lamb with mint sauce, and the excitement continued when Marie presented her with a gift of her own making, an attractive book made by Marie that told about a young girl and her teacher, much like Marie and Anna themselves. Anna's response was a tearful hug and she gave Marie a well-placed kiss on her forehead to express her delight at the gift.

The day had gone by faster than she had expected, and when Anna looked at the clock she was a bit disappointed. "Oh, Marie, look at the time. You know what you must do."

With a small frown, Marie shook her head. "I know, I know. Go to bed."

The positive demeanor of Erik caused him to make the suggestion that he accompany the two in order to make the day last as long as possible.

After Marie was in her nightgown, she sat on the bed and looked up at the two adults with whom she had shared the day. Anna asked, "Would you like a story?"

Suddenly tired, Marie answered, "No, I've had enough fun today. I'm a little tired. I will just say my prayers."

¨Amen.¨ At the end of her prayers, Anna touched the cheek of the young girl who had worked her way into her heart before planting a kiss there.

"Sweet dreams, _mon_ _petit_."

Not to sit by idly, Erik took the bedspread and covered the young one, before giving a kiss of his own on her forehead.

"Goodnight."

"You too. We did well."

"Yes, you should be proud of yourself and your Uncle Erik."

¨_Oui_, I am very proud.

_Erik_

The day had gone as he and Marie had planned. He felt a sense of accomplishment to have pulled it off with only a seven-year-old's assistance. He knew what birthdays meant to Marie, and that they probably meant the same to Anna. Having Marie with him that day put him at ease, allowing him to act without worrying about Anna's response to his sudden outburst of feelings on that other night.

But now came the time in which they must interact alone. In the hall outside

Marie's room, they stood for a long moment. He looked at Anna and in spite of himself, he smiled. "Would you come up to the study, please? I have something for you."

For the first time since they had met, Anna's expression was unreadable. She nodded and they walked up the stairs, Erik a few steps behind her, as always. He was nervous, but he did his best to hide it, as he had been accustomed to hiding many of his feelings throughout his life.

Anna took a seat where she was directed, on the piano bench, where Erik handed her a medium-sized package wrapped in brown paper with a scarlet ribbon

around it. Feeling a bit spoiled to have two presents in one day, she nevertheless ventured to open it.

_Anna_

The look of shock slowly took over her unreadable expression…She stared down at what she held in her hands: sheet music for the piano, Liszt's _Liebestraume_ and Schubert's _Serenade_. "Wherever did you get them?"

"I have my connections," Erik answered, in a noncommittal way. But he could not keep up that secretive manner, and soon told the truth. "I asked Madame Giry to get them for me."

"They're….they're wonderful. I haven't played anything since I got here." She looked from the sheets in her lap up to him. "You didn't have to get me these…I'm not really that good. I could never do them justice."

Erik seemed upset that she should think such a thing about herself and soon explained, "Marie told me how much you asked about her piano lessons…and how many years you took. I am sure you can play these, and that you will enjoy them."

"I don't know what to say." And it was true. The words would not come to her mind.

"You've said enough for me." Anna's expression softened at this, and she nodded.

"Shall I play one?"

"Only if you so desire."

"I do, actually. Now, please don't laugh…"

He looked at her sternly. "Never. I think, as we are both instructors of one type or another, that we both understand the respect that must be given a student. And the patience necessary." As she opened the sheet music and set it on the piano, he moved away from the piano. He must have known how nerve-wracking it was to have someone looking over her shoulder while she played.

Anna played _Serenade_ and though she was a bit rusty, she surprised herself in how close to the written notes of the piece she actually came. The piano was a fine one, and perhaps made her sound better than she actually was. Erik's applause caused her to blush, and look at the keys, embarrassed. It was the sort of encouragement she needed, but she still felt as if she had much room for improvement.

She closed the piece she had just played and took up the other one. "Now it's your turn." For a moment he seemed to refuse, staring at her like she had told him to do something impossible. But then he stood. She spoke quietly to him as to explain her reasons. "I have not been able to hear you but through the ceiling. It is not as good as in person, I am sure.

Once Anna went to sit where he had while she had played, he sat at the bench and opened to the first page. He put his fingers on the keys and glanced at her once before beginning to play. Now, Anna's life had been filled with music before she'd come to France. It was one of her favorite things. Now, as she heard Erik play _Liebestraume_, all the wonderful memories of London flooded her mind. However, this piece was distinctly different for her as a listener than all those she'd heard in London. What made this difference? It was the pianist, to be sure. The piece began, gradually gaining momentum and passion. Erik's fingers went up and down on the keyboard, faster and more elaborate. Then, near the end, the melody slowed, finally coming to a conclusion.

When he was done, she stood. It was all she could bring herself to do. She had been listening to the music, of course, but more than that she had noticed how he played. She could see he was concentrating by the look on his face, but his fingers moved effortlessly. It was as if his hands had been crafted exclusively to move upon the keys. It was hypnotizing. When she finally was able to speak, he had turned his body on the piano bench to look towards her. She could say little to express just how impressed she was at his playing, and the emotion behind the piece brought tears to her eyes, which she wiped away. "Erik, that was wonderful. You are much better than I am…"

He gave her the same look that he had given her when she suggested he would laugh at her playing. "I am older and have had more practice. Too much, as far as I'm concerned. You have potential…your fingers are at home on the keys, I can tell. You can work your way up to Liszt…he is quite technical." His look softened and he looked at her for a while. He seemed content in the silence, simply looking at her.

That look, paired with _Liebestraume's_ English translation, "dream of love," made Anna think about both his confession and his request in the stable. Obviously he had been playing to her, for her…about her. It was true, then. And it was at that moment that the realization came to her. She had thought in nights before, but having him before her right now made her even surer of it than she had before. After a long moment of silence, she looked at him. "I think it's only fair that I give you an answer to the request you made of me in the stable." She moved over to a chair by his desk and he followed, sitting across from her.

_Erik_

It had been a few weeks since they had spoken in the stable, but Erik had not thought she would answer so quickly. "If you think you've had enough time, by all means…go ahead." He guarded his heart for the worst…he always was thinking in worst-case scenarios. He knew it would not be the end of the world if she did not feel the same way for him as he did for her, so he said, "I want you to be honest with me. No matter your answer, I will be able to go on…" His happiness to simply gaze at her was gone. She was going to tell him what she felt. He was visibly tense.

There was a change in her facial expression, and he was able to see a smile on her face. But it was a kind smile, not a teasing or mocking one. "You think I'm going to refuse you." There was a long pause, after which she chuckled, much like Erik had that day. "Oh, my good sir, you are quite mistaken." She returned to her serious tone. "I have thought, long and hard, on the state of my own heart. And I've found, as I searched, that there is something here…" As he had the other night, she touched her heart. It was an effective gesture. "At first it was simply curiosity, and a desire to know of you. Then, I felt the strangest attraction toward you, wanting to know you, rather than just about you. It surprised me more than anyone. And in the end, when I sat down and thought it over, I've found my feelings have become more deep and serious than I had ever imagined. Seeing you with Marie today made me sure of it."

He could say nothing, and had a look of shock on his face that she should speak so openly. "I would like to see what is possible between us. I appreciate your respect for my own desires and worries. I don't care what the servants will think, as long as you are willing to hear what I think about certain things and respect me and my beliefs."

_Anna_

She could have left it at that, but Anna had more to say. This was perhaps the most important part. "I do not trust others very easily. If you betray my trust, I will feel no remorse in leaving your employment…leaving this place…going to back to London, though I would miss Marie." He had not replied yet, but nodded to show her he understood what she was saying. "We have many issues to be dealt with in the future, I am sure, but I am willing to be patient. I feel like I am growing here, learning more…becoming a better person. I do not want to change if we were to be involved, I want to remain myself. But I am confident you already know that and would not want me unless I were exactly who I am in this moment."

_Erik_

Every passing moment with Anna, he was more and more impressed with her. He could not believe what he was hearing. She was certainly not timid with him on this matter. All she had said was important to her, so he understood completely. He sat for a moment, staring at her. Then, when he had recovered, he asked, "So, that's it? You find it reasonable to be involved with me?"

"Reasonable?" She shook her head. "No. But desirable? Yes. You said it yourself, and I agreed. People are not reasonable beings, they just pretend to be. I'm letting my heart lead me on this one. And my heart tells me that this is what I've wanted my whole life. We are very similar, but we are very different. I want to know more of you." She seemed a bit uncomfortable with the intensity what she had just said, so she looked down, away from Erik's eyes. But after a moment, she looked back up at him.

He could not take his eyes off her. Everything this woman did and said seemed to reflect her own character. "You're marvelous. Not many are worthy of that word, but you are." He paused a moment and looked down, suddenly shy. He had never done this before. "It wouldn't be too forward of me to ask you something…would it?'

"No."

"Might I try something….might I give you a kiss? Another birthday gift?"

A smile crept onto her face and he was nearly blinded in the brilliance of it. "No, not at all. It was actually what I was just thinking…I was too timid to ask."

She stood first, and he followed. Both visibly nervous, it was Erik who made the first move. When she stood about a foot from him, he lifted his arms and wrapped them around her waist. Slowly, gently, he pulled her to him. In response, Anna raised her arms to put them on his shoulders, enjoying the feelings that flooded her mind and tingling from head to toe. This whole process moved slowly, but neither of them seemed to mind. He looked at her for a moment, so close to him that he felt her warm breath on his neck. He breathed in the scent of her. It was a new experience, but one that made him shiver. He was about a foot taller than her, so he had to lean down as she tipped her head up. Rather than just kiss her and ruin the moment, he hesitated for a moment. His lips were inches from hers, but he didn't want to kiss her until she showed him she was ready. She moved her hands from his shoulders to the bottom of his neck, stroking his hair softly, encouraging him to continue. It was then that she leaned even closer and their lips met.

_Anna_

Now, Anna had been kissed before in her life, just a few times. However, the moment Erik's lips met hers, she was sure that this kiss was the most passionate and tender one she had ever been given. This first kiss lasted for a long moment, after which they stopped for a breath. It was Erik, then, that leaned forward and kissed her, expressing in this second kiss the same sentiment that the first one had held, but for a little longer. A few kisses later, Anna remained in Erik's embrace. As they had kissed, his grasp on her waist tightened, and as a result, she was closer and closer to him. Now, as she moved her hand from his neck to his cheek, she was so close that she could hear as he inhaled and exhaled. "We've much yet to learn, don't we? I am certainly up to the challenge." She was dizzy with the newness of this embrace, but was not ready for it to end.

He did not respond verbally, but his "Mhmm" was taken as a positive response. He stared at her, searching her eyes, memorizing each inch of her lovely face. Once he was able to respond, some minutes later, he asked her, "Have you enjoyed the first day of your twenty-sixth year?"

"Actually, I was born late at night…so my year's only just begun. But yes, I take it to be a good year so far." He felt the blush come to her cheeks before he saw them tint pink. She looked down momentarily but then inquired, "Is it too nosy of me to ask you when you were born?"

"No, I understand why you would want to know. Well, I don't know the exact date, but it was in the winter. I should think I'm some age around forty…but I measure my life in phases rather than years."

"That's unfortunate. But maybe it's a blessing in disguise. I find that those

I knew in London were forever occupied by keeping their appearance as young as possible and letting no one know their true age. Measuring life in phases…perhaps it is better that way. One can give more attention to actually living life, rather than how we measure it."

"Nicely said." He raised his hand to her face, caressing her skin. Now that he felt it, he knew he would never tire of the texture, so soft and warm. "Might I call you Anna? I've been doing it, but without permission." She blushed at the touch of his hand on her cheek and nodded. He continued, "And you may call me Erik."

"Yes. It is all I know of you."

"We'll have to change that, won't we?"

"Can you say it? You've only ever called me 'Sir' or Monsieur."

"Erik." Anna's eyes were sparkling, and hearing his name sent him over the edge. For once, he gave in to his desires and let his lips meet hers once more. And it didn't feel wrong. It felt like the rightest thing he had ever done.


	5. Chapter 5

**Act IV**

**Into my heart´s night**

**Along a narrow way **

**I groped; and lo! the light,**

**An infinite land of day.**

**- Rubaiyat of Rumi**

**September 1880**

_Erik_

There is a distinct difference between privacy and seclusion. The first consists of moments of solitude to punctuate the majority of time spent with others. The second was the complete opposite. Erik knew more of the latter than the former. This fact in itself had affected him in an entirely negative way. In his interactions with others, he knew little of how he was expected to act but from the responses brought forth by his actions. And his history was filled with rather vile deeds, with equally vile consequences.

It seemed unimaginable that he should face such a future as he did with such a past as his. He was grateful to be around such understanding, loving individuals. Maybe it had something to do with the fact they were all women. Whatever it was, he felt cared for by the Giry family, little Marie, and now, Anna.

Things had changed drastically for Erik in the time since Anna had come to work in Paris. Even Christine did not come up in his mind randomly as often as she used to. This, a month after he and Anna had shared a kiss in his study, marked a new phase in his life. He was doing something he had never before expected to do: go out during the day, into the city. It had taken more than a few days of persistent prodding and polite requests, but Anna had accomplished it. To put him at ease, they had started with smaller challenges, like stepping outside into the sunlight during the day. It was different, to say the least, but Erik began to enjoy being awake and about during the daytime. Some days, if he were in a good mood, he would even say hello to the servants. They were shocked into silence, but no longer as frightened as when he was hardly ever seen. They were only going to Madame Giry´s residence, but in itself, the task of entering the world of the daytime was immense.

He sat patiently in the study, waiting for Anna and Marie to come upstairs after they were ready to leave. Normally at this time of the day he would sleep, and would wake up once it was darker for an evening of reading or composing. Today he felt satisfied to sit and think. He remembered the day he finally left the opera house, the only home he had ever known. He had felt sorrowful that day, to leave the twisting labyrinth where he had played as a child, the same dark paths in which he had led Christine.

He was to leave the house in which Christine and Raoul had lived, but he did not feel the same emotions as the day he left the opera. He was not going unaccompanied into the unknown, and he would return.

_Anna_

The changes in Erik´s routines proved that he felt emboldened by the connection he and Anna had made. She wouldn´t have pressed the issues had she thought Erik reactions would be negative. Frankly, his willingness to come with her and Marie in the bright daylight surprised and pleased her. Staying on the estate herself all the time could seem suffocating at times. She could only imagine what years of solitude and darkness could do to a person, and knew it hadn´t been good for Erik. Anna felt proud of her arguments for him accompanying the duo into town, as they seemed based in the benefits of going versus the damage that not going would inflict upon him. "It will be good for you to feel the sunlight. It isn't healthy for you to stay inside all the time." He seemed to buy into her argument, and his demeanor improved with each passing moment. He was nervous, of course, that was apparent, but his curiosity was quickly overtaking any negative feelings the visit might bring to mind.

Before they reached Giry´s flat, Anna and Marie ran an errand into a bookstore, while Erik stayed in the carriage. Once they emerged, Anna paused for a moment to look at the dark, serious man who had captured her heart.

It wasn´t as if Erik was her first suitor, she had went to a cotillion or two with young men who fancied her. But this seemed the first time in her life that she had really felt what Shakespeare, Shelley, and other romantic poets had been saying when she read their works. Beyond that, something in the relationship she shared with Erik seemed markedly different than all those who had come before. Was it his passion? Perhaps. The topics they discussed, for which they both held interest? Could be. Whatever it was that made her love him, she was enjoying this, the first true romance of her life.

Nothing inappropriate had passed between them, and her heart had not spoken up to her that she should escape any embrace they shared. He was a passionate man, of course, but was not terribly affectionate with her…that was not in his character. For this she was thankful, as she did not feel herself to be an overly affectionate person either. He would save a kiss for the occasions when he was particularly charmed by something she said or did, or for moments of deep intimacy, when they discussed topics that involved sharing much of oneself.

One thing she had cherished over the month since her birthday was the evening walks. They would not be long, like the first night they walked, but they would talk quietly as they took in the grounds and gardens of the estate. It was these nights, Erik holding her hand and his deep voice peacefully caressing her ears that calmed Anna day after day. She felt a profound comfort in his arms, and though at first his presence was cold and mysterious, she now felt she had found both a very good friend and a kind, gentle suitor.

While they did not demonstrate their relationship around Marie, it was obvious to her that they were increasingly comfortable with one another.

_Erik_

While he had been waiting in the carriage, Erik took some of the time pulling back the curtains covering the side window and peeking out at what was happening around him.

Once he felt he had observed as much as he could, he leaned back in his seat and thought of a conversation he and Anna had the week previous. Always a rather philosophical soul, he had taken to thinking of the events of so many years ago, and the actions which Marie´s mother had been willing to perform for him. He was glad he had not made her leave Raoul for dead, as the life they would have shared would be a half-life, not genuine. He had commented, "I can never repay Christine for what she did. She gave me hope. Her kindness taught me that something good does exist in the world. I could not have learned such a thing any other way. She was willing to sacrifice herself for me. I could never make her do that."

Anna´s response to the truth of his origins had pleased him, as did most of the things she did. When he revealed that he had lived the majority of his life in the opera house, Anna seemed greatly saddened, and her words of comfort were genuine, though she herself had not experienced anything remotely similar in her own life.

Second chances in life are very rare, but as each passing day brought him more and more happiness, Erik felt as if he were a very fortunate man. He had not expected, however, that his dark past would become of use to him in the coming weeks.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author´s note --** The song sung by Erik in this part of my story is "Hymne a l'amour¨ which is sung by Josh Groban. I don´t own him or the Phantom, though if I did, I would have them sing to me and faint from sheer pleasure! On to the story!

**Act V**

**One word frees us**

**of all the weight and pain of life.**

**That word is love.**

– **Sophocles**

**October 1880**

_Anna_

Generally, Anna´s life had been an easy one. While lately, she had been as happy as she could have imagined herself being, something strange began to overcome her.

It seemed as the weather began to change towards the colder, her happiness seemed to be overwhelmed by darker feelings. At random times during the day, Anna would lose her concentration and begin trembling uncontrollably. She also did not sleep as well as she had before, often waking up from nightmares in a cold sweat. Around Marie, she kept a relatively normal front and kept smiling as often as she normally did. Trying to determine what was coming over her, on nights when her nightmares kept her awake, Anna found herself worried, anxious, and self-doubting. While Erik sharing his past with her had brought them closer, she confessed to herself that she knew darker deeds had not been revealed to her. Was it morbid curiosity to want to know these things? She still knew not what lay beneath his mask, nor where the countless wounds or scars on Erik´s body and soul had originated.

What type of person was she to want to pry so? Was it fair for her to have such a normal, painless existence when Erik had suffered so? It hardly seemed fair to her, and she found herself unconsciously punishing herself, not eating as much as she normally would at dinner, and wearing her plain wool nightgown rather than the silk one Meg and her mother had given her on a previous occasion.

There was certainly more to life than that which she had experienced. Would hearing every detail of Erik´s previous life help at all, or would she become disgusted with him?

What was so special about her, Anna Richardson? What had caused Erik to be fascinated with her? Was it truly as he had claimed, her intellectual drives, her youthful beauty, or was it simply because of her proximity? Truly, wasn´t there someone more deserving of the passionate affection she had been lavished with?

She was relatively ignorant of love affairs, or what often ran through the mind of her dark, handsome suitor. He shared more than one would expect a man to share, but the depth of his passions and feelings left much below the surface. Anna often felt that she shared too much, and would sometimes hold back from embracing him, as much as she wanted to.

The state of her feelings was not easy for her to understand, and it was growing harder and harder to hide the darkness that was creeping into her mind. A troubled mind affected all areas of one´s life, and Anna could see she needed to resolve her issues in order to be truly happy with Erik as a suitor and with Marie as her student.

_Erik_

A man figuratively resurrected, Erik moved with more purpose in all areas of his life. His waking hours no longer reflected those of a hermit, but he accomplished much in and around the estate. He even took more ownership of affairs of the estate or the menu for a particular dinner, something that displeased the controlling Madame Demme.

Being a middle-aged man, he felt as though at last he had gained some sort of normal maturity and responsibility for the state of his life. He was proud to reflect back on his progress, and often thought of his relationship with Christine with a sense of shame.

With Christine, he felt that he was seeking someone young to make him feel young, to listen to him, entranced, and obey his orders. It was an incredibly foolish premise for a relationship, his pretense of being the late Gustave Daae.

He contrasted his former foolishness with the great happiness and equality he felt when he was with Anna. Sometimes outspoken, Anna was an independent thinker, unafraid to share her own ideas and to express disagreement with something Erik had said. He sometimes enjoyed the disagreements they could have, as Erik´s passion for music was mirrored in Anna´s passion for her own beliefs.

He was troubled, however, that she often appeared sullen in the last few weeks. The sparkle that he had been so entranced by was seen in her eyes on rare occasions, and she seemed preoccupied by her own thoughts and feelings many times when they spoke together. He hoped that it was not on account of anything he had done, and tried his best to lift her spirits in any way he could.

Was she regretting choosing to love him? He felt pain in the deepest reaches of his soul to think he had caused any of the suffering she seemed to be experiencing.

_Marie_

The carriage ride to her parents´ graves was lonely without Anna, whom Marie

Uncle Erik was with her, though, and his gloved hand holding her tiny porcelain one gave her some source of comfort. Her other little hand held a tiny bouquet of white roses, to place in front of the tombstone of her parents. It had been her own idea, to add something to the increasingly less green cemetery.

They walked among the statues of saints and angels, weaving their way past crosses of stone and large mausoleums containing. In the shadow of the large monument to Gustave Daae, who Erik had revealed to Marie was her grandfather, lay a plain marble headstone with Christine and Raoul´s names and small photographic portraits.

Having visited on many occasions before with Madame Giry, Marie began the little ritual that always comforted her so when thinking of her parents. Gently, Marie laid down a cloth hanky on the dusty ground and knelt, beginning to pray for the souls of her dead parents.

_Erik_

Out of respect for the little girl´s religion, instilled in her by Madame Giry, Erik turned away and looked at the gate to which he had driven Christine so long ago. How the tables had turned, and now he was bringing Christine´s daughter here, to visit her. ¨Christine, would you be proud of me?¨ he thought. The peace he felt in this place seemed to speak to the affirmative answer.

He knew the girl was not his daughter, he felt a fatherly sort of protection over her, something that was very rewarding for him. And now, with Anna, Marie could have a good example of what a well-bred woman could be. It might not be the ideal situation, but it was better than being left to an orphanage.

It was the sound of Marie sniffling brought him out of his reverie. She had stood from her prayers, and large tears were rolling down her still childishly chubby cheeks. A quick exhalation and Erik went to work. He took out his handkerchief and wiped the tears from her cheeks. ¨What´s wrong, _princesse?_¨

He should have known that the girl would be sad, in spite of the comfort her prayers had promised her. ¨Uncle, why must I be without parents? Why did God choose to take them, before I could ever know them?¨

He could certainly not simply tell her that life was unfair. The girl´s brown eyes so reminded him of his dear Christine that to say any words other than those of comfort would cause him physical pain. When the words finally came to him, Erik was surprised at the optimism the words spoke of. Taking her in his arms, he said to her, "Your future is so bright, my darling girl. Your parents are probably looking down on you at this moment, feeling extremely proud of what you have done and what you have yet to do. Things happen for a reason, though we may never understand that reason."

Living as a ghost or a monster for so much of his life left his relationship with God with much to be desired. But Marie needn´t know that. His purpose was to comfort her, and he had…why did he also feel comforted by his words?

The greatest desire that now drove his heart, as he carried little Marie back to the coach, was to comfort his angel, Anna, who had done so much for him and whose optimism he seemed to have exchanged with his own previous cynicism. Wallowing in pain and despair was no way for her to live, and he must find a way to bring her soul back to the heights where it belonged, and where she had brought him.

_Meg_

Marie and Erik were not the only ones to notice the change in Anna. Meg noticed that Anna´s general demeanor was no longer happy and smiling, as it had been for quite some time. On one of her regular visits with Rose, Meg noticed that Anna was not as involved in conversation, something that normally raised her spirits.

After the girls had run off to play, Meg took her aside and asked her, ¨Are you well, Anna? You seem very pale and very upset lately.¨ Anna´s tone told Meg exactly what she wanted to hear, although her words assured her she was fine. ¨I´m a mother, Anna, I can tell when something is wrong. And this might not be a health issue, it seems something internal. You're troubled. It's Erik, isn't it?"

The façade finally fell, and Anna´s head dropped into her lap. "How did you know?"

"Well, when Rose and Marie play…Marie is not one that keeps secrets from her friends. She was happy for a while that you were getting along so well with him, but she hates to see you as you are now."

"I should have known. Marie's too innocent yet to be dealing with adult matters like secrets. I don't know why I'm so upset about it, anyway. It isn't like anyone knows me very well around the estate."

Meg put her arm around her friend, "Can I help you, Anna?"

Anna met the kind eyes of her friend and sighed. "Of course, Meg. You and your mother seem so wise. I can't stand keeping this inside any longer…what shall I do with it? I don't know how I should feel. I'm scared…afraid for what our relationship will do to others. Before any of this happened, the servants believed…well, they believed something that was not true. Now…how am I to deal with it? I am in a relationship with him. He seems so different a man than any I have ever known. This fact has both good and bad aspects to it…I feel like I´m both too good for him and not good enough for him. It´s very confusing to feel this way."

Meg had always known how to comfort others. Her mother had taught her to have a gentle manner, to speak softly…it put others at ease. Now, as a wife and mother, she had perfected the art of making peaceful one who was not at all feeling peaceful. What to say? She thought for a moment and began, "First I will tell you something I've noticed about Erik…this is coming from someone who has known him for years. I have never seen such a change in him as has occurred since your coming. For so long he was unwilling to speak to a soul other than Marie, Mother or I. He would stay locked in his room for weeks at a time. Solitude is very dangerous, especially in his case. We feared for the safety of his mind and his body during weeks like that. It did not have a good effect on Marie either."

"Before you came, I talked to him for a long while on several occasions. It seemed to have a good effect on him…purging his soul of the thoughts that had been troubling it.

His soul is a troubled one, and simply to have someone to listen, gives him some peace of mind."

"I don't see much of the man I've known all these years anymore. He has changed so much since you arrived, don't doubt that. I could swear I saw a smile on his face once or twice…and he does not smile for many people. Just Marie…and now you. I felt as if your effect on him is so dramatic…it rivals that which Christine had upon him all those years ago. He is not the same person with you as he was with her. With her, he was so troubled. He feared to be himself around her, pretended to be something which he was not…He longed to have Christine as a plaything of sorts. Someone who would accept anything he said without question. He's changed for the better in realizing that he does not want to have such a relationship…it's what caused a vast amount of the pain he's been feeling. And you've helped him to see what it is to have a true friend. I feel like we've become friends, Anna, but not in the way you and Erik have. It's always quite hard to have a friend of the opposite sex. But it is necessary if there is to be anything more to your relationship. With Jean and I, that was how it was. I knew him from when I was a dancer…and it was through our friendship that he won my heart. I am sure the story is the same for you.

_Anna_

For some time, Meg´s talk comforted Anna. But it wasn´t enough to return her to normal or to comfort her troubled heart.

People had often said that Anna Richardson was as easy to read as a book. Anna could imagine her parents or acquaintances remarking that it was as if she had suddenly slammed the book closed so that no one could read it. In fact, it was getting harder and harder to read herself.

Recently she had begun to have a confusing recurring dream. She seemed to be in a series of dark tunnels, feeling along the ways blindly, and never finding her way out. In the latest versions of the dream, something had changed. Usually, the dream ended with Anna waking up crying and feeling lost in her own bed.

Yet in the past few days, she had been close to giving up and collapsing against the dark walls, but just as her spirit was about to give up, she felt a hand take hers. This hand led her towards a distant light, and her weary heart was overcome with a feeling of extreme peace. It was after one of these dreams that the desire to visit Notre Dame overcame her, in the very early morning hours. Marius was a kind man, and had become especially fond of Anna, so he acquiesced to her request and though she wore only a thin black shift with a hooded cape in slightly chilly weather, he drove her into the city, across the Seine, and to the Notre Dame. ¨Sometimes being close to God is easier when you´re in His house,¨ Marius commented to her, and patted her hand, encouraging her to take as much time as she needed, he would just be outside. He parked the carriage on the other side of the street and lit his pipe, thoughtfully puffing on it and failing to notice Monsieur Erik ride up on Fantomê and tie the horse´s bridle to the back of the carriage.

_Erik_

For some reason, Erik had been awake, looking out the window, when he saw a hooded figure in black slide down the walk from the front door to where a carriage waited. His instincts told him what to do, but it wasn´t until he was riding that he realized it.

This scenario was quite familiar to Erik. Hadn't it been a decade before that he had followed Christine to the cemetery? Something told him that while the outward appearances of this night might reflect the other, there was an essential difference. When he came to the cemetery in which Christine's father had been buried, he had not been truthful with her. He used his talent to mislead her, to ensnare her. Then, when Raoul came, the night had turned darker. He had nearly faced death, but for Christine's kindness to him. Animosity and bitterness had swelled in his chest and driven him to more and more unspeakable horrors.

Now, he was following Anna, but his intentions could not be more different from those with Christine. It was obvious that he was worried for her. In the time since they'd shared a kiss, they seemed to have completely switched places. She was the one whom darkness could call a friend, while he found himself much more a friend of the ¨garish light of day,¨ which no longer seemed garish but rather comforting and warm.

Something inside him told him this was what he must do. She should know that she mustn't let the darkness that was plaguing her have control of her life. It was suffocating to give in to it, he knew that. It was hard to regain hope after that, or to dream again when one gave up the idea of dreaming.

Erik entered by a side door, and took a while to find the main sanctuary. Having never visited the Cathedral before, the immensity of the place stilled his quickly beating heart. He would never have been comfortable coming here in the daytime, but the darkness here was calming, peaceful, and the light that did stream through the windows was enough to illuminate the innumerable pews and the distant altar.

It took some time for his eyes to find the cloaked figure in black in a pew nearly in the center of the church, to the left side. She was here, praying, kneeling. He knew that prayer was not something that anyone should interrupt, and by keeping his footsteps as unnoticeable as possible, found a pew of his own to sit down in, and let his eyes leave the sight of Anna.

Solitude had been his curse for most of his life, but here, in this place, he felt more peaceful with it. He cleared his mind, enjoying the quiet, until something unexpected happened. Somewhere inside him, an indescribable ache solidified into a question that he asked himself, "How long must I bear this heavy burden?"

Madame Giry, Marie, and now Anna, seemed to take comfort in their religion. He knew only the small chapel within the opera house, the painted angels, and the candles burning for dead ones... he had read much of religion but hadn´t seen much in it that would ever apply to a murderer or liar like him.

But at present, the cares of the world and the burden that had weighed him down his entire life seemed to melt away, and he felt as if his dark past were being wiped away. It was strange, this feeling, it was superior to the feeling of great hope Christine had given him, and the music of the night seemed not only to be over, but to have been rewritten into a tune of utterly blissful beauty. When he finally took notice of his external surroundings, he noticed that Anna stood before him, a confused look on her face. Her face was hit perfectly by a bit of light from the early morning sun, and he thought to himself that she had never looked so beautiful.

_Anna_

Having finished her prayers, Anna knew she should leave so that Marius could bring her back to the estate. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw a familiar figure, Erik, face in his hands, sitting across the cathedral.

¨Anna.¨

She couldn´t be angry at him for his concern for her, but still, had to ask, "Why are you here, Erik?"

He stood and gently took her hand, eyes locked with hers. "At first, I simply wanted to follow you, to make you sure you were safe. But I found you came to the safest place of which I know. I have heard of this place…but never seen it for myself. It truly is the most beautiful place I've ever seen."

Anna searched his face and found a look on his face she had never seen, a mix of peace, happiness, and above all, love.

"It is, isn't it?" Her voice softened and she thought her eyes might fill with tears.

¨Even more so with you here, my angel.¨

The place had a deeper meaning to him than she had known. It was at that point that she could no longer hold back all the emotions that were welling up inside her and let them go. He wrapped his arms around her and she cried against his shoulder, and he held her, and said the words that he needed to say. ¨Never doubt that you make me happier than I deserve to be. I know you´re worried, Anna, but with love, how can anything hurt us? You mustn´t let the dark take you over, you must battle it as does a warrior. It can never take this from us, this love we have. Together we are stronger than anything the world can throw at us. There is no fear where there is love.¨

Once her tears had abated, he asked her quietly, "Shall I drive the carriage or would you like to ride with me on Fantomê?" Her nod to the second choice was what he had hoped.

Marius was rather flabbergasted when Miss Richardson emerged from Notre Dame with a companion. With a nod of his head in the old man´s direction, Erik explained what he and Anna had arranged. Marius agreed, feeling trust for this man of whom he had seen so little.

Marius already headed towards the Chagny estate, Erik helped Anna to mount the horse before getting on himself. As they rode, the necessary act of wrapping her arms around his waist became more of an act of ownership and affection. If someone were to see the couple, the woman´s body language would seem to say to the passerby, ¨This man is mine and I love him dearly.¨ Her eyes were closed and she seemed lost in bliss. In the quiet of the morning, Erik´s ear was flooded with exclamations of love and passion from the pair of lips belonging to his angel.

She had obviously been changed from the depression which had possessed her for far too long. They both sensed the change, and Anna´s bliss was apparent on her face when Erik helped her from the horse. The angelic effect was still marvelous to observe.

_Erik_

It is too late in the morning to try to sleep, but Erik assumed that upon arriving home, that was what Anna would desire. It was Anna who suggested they go to the library where they had first gotten to know one another, and though he knew nothing inappropriate would come to pass, but just the idea of spending more time with his angel excited him. There was plenty of time for the pleasures of the flesh in their future...now was the time for them to enjoy each other intellectually and emotionally. And for Erik, whose experience of the flesh was superficial lust, intellectual and emotional intimacy was equally as satisfying as anything else.

Anna had stopped by her room to grab a hairbrush and when in Erik´s study, she released her golden hair from the confines of its normal bun. Seeing her there in the candlelight with her blonde tresses loose was intoxicating to him, but this action also showed Erik that she trusted him enough to do this very intimate act in front of him. With her attention and eyes still locked on him, Anna absent-mindedly brushed her hair.

"Anna, I want to make one thing perfectly clear to you if we are to love one another. I don't want pity. I've lived my life this way for so long…being feared or pitied.

I just want peace. With the world, and most of all, inside myself…tonight, when

I was sitting there…I feel as if a tremendous weight has been lifted from my back.…the things I've done…the words and deeds of my life…horrible, black… You've done something for me. For so long, I doubted God even existed…and if He did, I felt he could not care for me. But now, I am absolutely certain…if such heavenly creatures as Anna Richardson…Marie de Chagny…Christine...if such creatures exist, surely God is loving and forgiveness is possible, even for someone such as I.¨

_Anna_

The expression on his face in the Cathedral was explained, and Anna let her hesitation towards Erik be thrown aside. Putting down her brush, she came and knelt before Erik and looked up into his beautiful blue eyes. "What I was praying in Notre Dame, Erik, was for peace. For both of us. Ever since you kissed me, I've been so plagued by the worries of this world. I see now that the hand of God holds us all, so tenderly and gently. What have I to fear when this is true? He gave us this love, so surely he means for us to enjoy our lives because of it. I love you, Erik, dark as well as bright." She took his hand and tenderly kissed it, putting it to her face, before taking his face in her hands and giving him a kiss, the intensity and passion of which surprised even Anna herself.

_Erik_

Once he regained his breath, Erik spoke words he had never heard spoken to himself and which he had certainly never expressed himself. "I love you, Anna. You…your manner…your love for Marie, your attitude towards life. You truly must be an angel sent from God himself.¨ The waterworks began again but Erik saw that these were happy tears.

Anna nodded, "I realized as we drove from the city that I feel the same for you as you do for me. You have utterly and completely captivated me from the moment I saw you. Oh, Erik…I love you. Never in a thousand years, a thousand lifetimes, did I ever expect to be blessed with such a love as you have given me.¨ She embraced him again, but added, "You have a heart in which I feel you could have held the world, had you been given the chance. And I am lucky enough to be loved by that heart."

Though they had not resolved to go to their respective beds, Anna and Erik still were a bit wearied from the adventure of that evening and the emotional content of the past hour. With her permission, he gently carried Anna to the chaise where he had once examined her ankle and since it was a large lounger, sat next to her, stretching his legs out. She laid her loose blonde hair on his chest, and he took her hands in his, kissing each finger before leaving them to rest in her lap, his hands on top of hers.

After a few moments of quiet, Erik asked the question that was on his mind, "Is this real?"

Anna´s eyes opened and she smiled up at him. "I'm as surprised as you are. When I came here, I expected to live my life as a spinster governess. I was quite upset with that, but I was not the sort of person who got on well with 'respectable gentlemen.' Such people are dull to me…I expected to be mistress to some dead poet…never an actual breathing man. And here I am, offering my everything…willing to give all of myself." This statement hinted at the future steps of their relationship, ones she found herself hoping to approach quicker and quicker. But none of that now. "You don't know how much you mean to me."

"I think I have an idea, angel…"

_Erik_

The comfort of the position they were in caused Anna to drift off, something that made him chuckle quietly. It was a Sunday morning, so the staff would not be in until later, and Marie would go to Mass with the Girys as she always had, which accounted for her absence the night before. Transfixed, Erik watched as her breath made her chest rise and fall, and buried the side of his face not covered in the mask in her soft hair, inhaling it. How long they lounged like this, he did not know, but he was all of a sudden startled by a movement from Anna. Her blue eyes looked up into his, a hint of slumber still present in them, and she smiled. As close as they were now, he opened his arms wide to her, drawing her close. For a moment he took in the sight of her, but then she placed her face close to his and he took the hint and kissed her, gently, quietly, and lovingly. Her fingers touched the side of his face with the mask, unconsciously, as if to bring him closer than was physically possible. In this moment, he felt peace and love envelop his entire being, and thought to himself that this is what must be meant when one was said to be lost in love.

His moment of ecstasy was short-lived as her fingers absently moved against his mask. There was something still that troubled him. And though he knew it was the most inopportune moment to do it, he knew he would never live in peace if he did not do what his heart was telling him at this moment.

¨Anna, dearest.s expression and nna noticed the fear and heartbreak that had crept into Erikne else.... cry this time, Ee was shock. tha¨

¨Yes my love?¨ This was a new term for her to use, but he tingled when he heard it.

"I'm going to do something now that may shock you, but I feel it is completely necessary. At this moment, right now. I don't want you to be with me if you aren't able to make some peace with the truth of my existence…of me." Her blue eyes seemed confused.

¨What, what do you mean, Erik?¨

¨My mask.¨

For so long Anna had accepted the mask as a part of him, that this was simply unexpected. She sat back, dropping her hands into her lap and straightening her hair so it was no longer in her eyes.

¨Can you remove it?¨ he asked, and, suddenly nervous, she nodded. Hands trembling, she gently took hold of it and peeled it away from his naked skin.

He had imagined this moment but was not sure how she would react. The first emotion he read on her face was shock. "Oh Erik,¨ she remarked, as she covered her mouth, and then added, "How?"

"I was born this way. My mother was the first to give me a mask...and very few have seen what lies beneath it."

Anna had shed tears at other times during the evening and morning, but as she began to cry this time, Erik´s heart seemed to break. She was disgusted by the way he looked, like everyone else....his heart could shatter at this moment...

_Anna_

Still crying, Anna noticed the fear and heartbreak that had crept into Erik´s expression and reached out for him, the tears still rolling down her cheeks. ¨No, no, my love, I am crying for you....for you, a baby with no control over this...and what your mother must have done...what she must have said...it breaks my heart.¨

Composing herself and wiping her tears with her hand, she touched the red, deformed side of his face gently, gingerly, "Oh…" With her other hand, she touched his chin, a look of sympathy and love on her face. "How cruel fate can be, my love. That such a mind as yours must always have such a face to accompany it. It has limited you in areas in which you could have excelled, shaped your life in so many cruel ways. What pain it has caused you…how cruel of fate to do this to you…"

Erik´s eyes took in every detail of her…" For so long, I felt that no one could feel anything but hatred for my face." She took his hand, kissing his red cheek.

There was a long silence, but when it was broken Erik heard Anna´s reassuring whisper in his ear, murmuring, "Erik, do you really think that after all we've been through, this would change anything? I knew when I met you that you hid something underneath your mask. Now that I've seen your face…I do not fear it…it was the secret I feared more than the reality of your face." He pulled her close and it was he who buried his face in her shoulder, and though he was not a man given to extreme emotion, her last statement brought happy tears streaming down his cheeks. "These bodies we're given will wear out with time…these faces. It is your soul that will live on…and your soul is what has worked its way into my heart."

**Erik**

In his life, Erik could say he had truly felt happiness on two occasions. The first was the triumphant feeling ('it's over now, the music of the night') which had begun the night Christine kissed him and willingly offered herself as a sacrifice, willing to make his life bright but darken her own. It was that night that he had shattered his mirrors and begun to believe in the idea of hope. The next occasion was the present moment, embracing a woman who loved him truly and would lose nothing in the exchange, but gain the entire world.

This feeling on this night was so strong that it threatened to split him in two. They sit there, embracing, for a long moment, and when it was over it was Anna who spoke. "May I make one request of you, Erik?"

He looked into the eyes of the woman he loved and answered, "You may ask anything you like." Her request was rather unexpected.

"Sing for me."

He chuckles a little. "I have not sung for a long time. I'm not sure if I still can."

"Try…please. If it's anything like the way you play, or speak, or love, or kiss…I will be happy."

"I will try. For you, I would do anything."

Before they left for his study, Erik went to replace his mask on his face and was stopped. Anna put her hand in between the mask and his face. "No, let's not think of that anymore. I want to be able to see your face…to read your expression. I was left helpless to guess at the tone of your voice all this time. I want to see what you truly look like."

Taking her by the hand, leading her much as she had imagined in her dream, Erik´s eyes never leaving hers. They reached the third floor and as he went to the piano, "What should I sing?"

"Something of your own. I have never heard anything of yours. Madame Giry and

Meg have never ceased to sing your praises, if you'll pardon the pun."

Erik went to rummage in a drawer of the desk and returned to the piano bench with a rather new-looking bit of sheet music, written by his own hand. "Hymne a l'amour."

As he began to sing, Anna thought to herself that though his voice has a bit of hardness to it, the words and notes fell on her ears as if being carressed by velvet.

_Le ciel bleu sur nous peut s'effondrer, _

_Et la terre peut bien s'écrouler, _

_Peu m'importe si tu m'aimes, _

_Je me fous du monde entier. _

_Tant qu' l'amour innondera mes matins, _

_Tant qu'mon corps frémira sous tes mains, _

_Peu m'importent les problèmes, _

_Mon amour, puisque tu m'aimes. _

_J'irais jusqu'au bout du monde, _

_J'irais jusqu'au bout du monde, _

_Si tu me le demandais. _

_J'irais décrocher la lune, _

_J'irais voler la fortune, _

_Si tu me le demandais. _

_Je renierais ma patrie, _

_Je renierais mes amis, _

_Si tu me le demandais. _

_On peut bien rire de moi, _

_Je ferais n'importe quoi, _

_Si tu me le demandais. _

_Si un jour, la vie t'arrache à moi, _

_Si tu meurs, que tu sois loin de moi, _

_Peu m'importe si tu m'aimes, _

_Car moi je mourrais aussi. _

_Nous aurons pour nous l'éternité, _

_Dans le bleu de toute l'immensité, _

_Dans le ciel, plus de problème, _

_Mon amour, crois-tu qu'on s'aime? _

_Dieu réunit ceux qui s'aiment._

Anna, who spoke French as her second language, translated in her head as he sang, and thought to herself how much more beautiful it seemed in French.

_The blue sky can tumble down upon us _

_And the earth can also collapse _

_It doesn't matter, if you love me _

_I don't care about the entire world _

_As long as love floods my mornings _

_As long as my body trembles beneath your hand _

_These problems don't matter _

_My love, since you love me  _

_I would go to the end of the earth _

_I would go to the end of the earth _

_I would go take down the moon_

_I would go steal a fortune _

_If you asked it of me I would disown my country_

 _I would disown my friends_

 _If you asked it of me _

_People can have a good laugh at me _

_I would do anything _

_If you asked it of me  _

_If one day life tears you from me _

_If you die that you be far from me_

 _It doesn't matter, if you love me _

_Because, me, I will die also _

_We will have eternity for ourselves _

_In the great blue immensity_

 _In the sky, no more problems _

_My love, do you believe we love each other _

_God reunites those who love each other_

Once he is done, he smiles up at her. It was too beautiful for applause, so she approached him and commented, "You never cease to amaze me" prior to a tender kiss. A pleased flush came to his face and he replied, "Neither do you."


	7. Chapter 7

**Finale**

**We enjoy warmth because we have been cold.**

**We appreciate light because we have been in darkness.**

**By the same token, we can experience joy **

**because we have known sadness.**

**-- David Weatherford**

**March 1881**

**London, England**

My Darling Erik,

I wish you would have come with Marie and I to England, but I understand your reasons. I miss you terribly, my love! I hope you are able to stay occupied and content, even with the two of us so far from you.

I think of the conversation we had the night before I left and am still troubled by what you said. I know for a fact that you have never been a monster. A monster would never have let Christine go with Raoul. A monster would never have taken their child to raise as his own. No, assuredly, Erik, you are simply a man, flawed as any, but that makes you mortal. It is those men who do not examine their own souls who are monsters. God's love and forgiveness washes the blackest souls so they shine, whiter than winter snow, if only one asks him to do so.

I was reading some poetry today while my parents took Marie to see the sights that made me think of you. I am convinced in the truth of Anne Bradstreet's words when she said, "If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant:

f we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."

Since your past has been so dark, I think we have an even brighter future than you could even imagine. If you had never had the past that you did, we would never have met. And I know a future without you would not be worth pursuing.

We will return in only two weeks, darling, and I look forward to the day that I see you again. After we're married in April, Mother and Father agreed to come to care for Marie while we travel. I cannot believe they visited and that you got on as well as you did. I am so proud of you and am anxious to become your wife. I love you more with each passing moment, each word, each breath. You are the music in my soul.

With grateful, joyful love from your future wife,

Anna

**March 1881**

**Chagny Estate**

**Paris, France**

My love,

Your letter filled me with such light that I was nearly blinded by it. It seems as if all the ghosts of the past are scared away forever by a bit of illumination from a love such as ours. Your words are almost as effective as is your presence at filling me with joy. In my life, I've never known such happiness as you have shown me. I am not sure if you'll ever know how much you've done for me. You have truly changed my world…changed me. And this new man I have become by knowing you is a man I am not ashamed to know.

Do you realize, before we met, how lost I felt? I focused only on my own troubles and did not see any hope of happiness for myself. You forced me to become a man, to stop wallowing in my own sorrow and to live my life. You are the most amazing person I have ever met, truly, and I cannot imagine the path I might have taken had you not entered my life and that of Marie. I am glad she reacted well to the fact that we´re to adopt her formally. If she had not wanted it, I would not have pursued it.

I'll stop being philosophical now. Right now I'm sitting in the library by the window looking out, imagining the scene from the day you first arrived. I cannot wait to see some of the countryside with you in such short time.

I miss you as well, angel. This, your first absence since you started teaching Marie, is very tough for me, but I will get through it. Your parents have had that time without your face, your smile, and your laugh. I am certainly willing to give up a few weeks of my time with you for you to spend time with them. I am certain they cherish you as the jewel of their lives as do I. Thank them once again for visiting. I was surprised at how similar your parents and I found ourselves to be, for all the differences we've encountered. You are truly blessed to have them.

As I close this letter, Anna, let me speak to you as I would if you were here. Your love gives me the courage I never knew I possessed. You opened my life up to a new world of possibilities. You showed me that I had value, in spite of all the wrong I've caused. That God's ways are mysterious and far superior to those of us men. That life, in spite of its ugliness and vile elements, is worth living and can be lived in peace and love.

Christine would have loved you, I'm sure. I regret that you have to satisfy yourself with her memory and with the wonderful girl that she and Raoul gave to the world. As she continues to grow, I hope to be able to tell her more about her mother and father. Perhaps, in time, we could have a little one of our own to be her companion once we are gone.

I will close this note now, as I know when you return it will be to my arms, and this gives me comfort for every night without you. I long to know what it is to be one with you, body and soul…and I know I haven't long to wait.

Yours Forever,

Erik


End file.
